The beginning

This coming Monday, we will have known for 11 weeks that we were expecting a baby. We didn't announce it on here until recently because we weren't ready to share the news, even though there is a very small group of people that have access to this blog. But, one of the primary purposes of this blog is a journal, a keepsake, for Josh and I. I feel like so many things have happened in the past 11 weeks, actually 14.5 weeks since this cycle began, that I want to write down so I can remember them forever.

So, I am going back in time.

Getting pregnant, and staying pregnant, was a very difficult journey for us. 1 in 6 couples deal with infertility and we fall into that category. There were months and months that we prayed for God to bless us with a baby. Josh and I prayed together daily, but I also prayed many, many times throughout the day myself. It is difficult to explain, even difficult for me to fully understand, but I had an internal struggle between praying for a baby and praying for God's will.

I knew that we wanted to start a family, but for some reason, I always felt a pang of hesitation when I asked for it. I would get frustrated and worried about the pang of hesitation because I didn't know what was causing it and I was very worried that God would take it as a sign that we weren't ready.

Although our journey to starting a family was difficult, to say the least, I knew that it would not be in vain. I knew that God was teaching and developing Josh and I individually and as a couple. He was bringing us closer to Him individually and us closer together as a couple. I did not want to be on this journey but I wanted to receive and learn what He wanted me to. I earnestly prayed for these things.

July was 6 months past our miscarriage. We had had 4 failed cycles with infertility treatments since the miscarriage and were starting our 5th. We were approaching our original due date (Sept 26th) and it scared me that we might not be pregnant by then because I had always thought/hoped/prayed we would be. And then God turned on a lightbulb in my head. There were two verses that constantly played through my mind, out of nowhere.

"Until now you have not asked for anthing in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete" John 16:24

"Ask and it wil be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" Matthew 7:7-8

It was almost like an epiphany. Instantly my prayers changed and the hesitation deep in my heart went completely away. I told Jesus, "we do not deserve a baby but because You are gracious, merciful, and love us more than we can imagine, I ask that You grant us a baby, that you answer our prayers". My heart felt different and my prayers certainly sounded different. It was like God was telling me, "WHITNEY! My child! ASK me.... just ask me, because I love you".

We also pursued more intensive infertility treatments that cycle but I do believe God answered our prayers.

We went to International Falls August 9-10th for my Grandma's 80th birthday party. Chris, Becky, Josh and I drove together. It was very early but I had a feeling I was pregnant. I had vowed to not take a pregnancy test until August 14th but, as in the previous cycles, I buckled and tested August 11th, before work. It was positive immediately. I was so happy but so scared. I woke Josh up and told him the test was positive. He said, "I thought you weren't testing yet!". Although we were elated, we were very worried for two reasons:

1) I had had a trigger shot 12 days prior. The shot induces ovulation within 24-36 hours and it contains a strong dosage of hcG, which is the same exact hormone that pregnancy tests measure. If you test too early, you can receive a false positive because it could just be lingering hcG from the shot.

2) We knew from experience that a positive pregnancy test does not equal a baby.

I tested again the next day and the line was even darker so Josh and I felt confident that it wasn't the shot. We were so happy, but still worried about a miscarriage.

That Tuesday I went to my clinic for a blood draw to measure what is called a "beta", which is essentially the level of hcG. Next time I'll write more about the days after positive test, but for now I really need to jump in the shower because I'm having coffee with Sara in 45 minutes!

Would being Muslim matter?

This afternoon some close co-workers and I were carefully, cautiously, discussing the election. The worst it got was when one woman said, "What do you think Sarah Palin will do after this is all over???" (she's clearly insinuating Obama will be elected) and another said, "She'll be Vice President". If that's the worst it gets, it's a pretty decent conversation.

We talked about how so many mistruths float around and it is important for Americans to do due diligence to search out the truth. We are so fortunate in this country to have so many available resources to learn the truth.

One co-worker talked about the rumors flying around that Obama is Muslim. He said that Colin Powell addressed it last weekend. Colin said that 1) he is not Muslim, and 2) the bigger issue is that if he was Muslim, it shouldn't matter. Everyone nodded their head in agreement.

Except me.

I said that it absolutely would matter to me if Obama, or the candidate I was voting for, was Muslim. Not because Muslims are inherently evil, as many people spreading and believing the rumors seem to think. But because I think that your religion affects, or should affect, everything you do.

That's pretty much where I left it with my co-workers. A few seemed to think it over and possibly agree.

I continued thinking about it on my way home from class tonight when I was traveling 15 fricken mph on 35W South because of the construction.

Being a Christian believer impacts who I am. It impacts the decisions I make, how I act at work, my interactions with others, the way I respond to situations (both emotionally and mentally), what I take a stand for, when I speak up with an unpopular opinion, my approach to problems, etc. It affects everything. And I pray often that it has a bigger and bigger impact on every facet of my life.

If I was President, my fundamental beliefs as a Christian believer and the way I act in accordance to God's will for me, would clearly, unequivocally, impact how I operated in office.

I know what some are thinking... what about separation of church and state? That could still happen, and would happen, but I personally could not separate my beliefs and who I am in Christ from my role as President.

I would expect, or hope for, the same from someone of another religion. For that reason I would have a problem with my President being a Muslim. If the President's religion was, say, Baptist, and I am Lutheran, that would not pose a problem (or at least as big of a problem). But, Islam and Christianity are fundamentally different.

Those are my thoughts. Right or wrong. I am very curious to hear what others think. If you would be so kind and courageous to share, I would love you to leave a comment, or send me an email, with your perspective (and you don't have to agree with me to respond! I am actually even more interested in opinions that are different from mine!).

On a baby note- I enter the 2nd trimester this week! YEAH!!!

Introducing Baby Docken

I will extol the Lord at all times;

his praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in the Lord;

let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me;

let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34: 1-4

We don't have a scanner so here are some pictures of pictures!

Baby Docken is due April 27th'ish. I am exactly 12 weeks today! We are SO HAPPY!!!!