Hole #6

"St Cloud"

This hole was inspired by our amazing trip to St. Cloud. This was a time filled with every emotion out there. We were scared, we were happy, we were sad, we laughed, we cried, we prayed, we played...and it was all so great because we did it together. We were filled with so much love for each other! It was such an intimate weekend and I think the perfect way to say "goodbye".

Hole #5

"Faith in God"

This hole was inspired by our faith in God. Since day one we have chosen to put God in the center of our relationship and we owe everything to Him. We have made some pretty special sacrifices for Him and for each other that we could not make without His help. Being able to share God's love with one another is the most amazing thing in the world! Praying wtih you every night before we go to bed, going to church with you, and just talking about God is amazing. Since we have met I have become so close to God..and I cannot tahnk you enough for that.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's hole...called "St. Cloud"!

Thoughts on a sunday evening

If we hadn't had the miscarriage, I would be entering my third trimester this week. We would have spent much of our anniversary celebration talking about our baby that would be here in just a couple months-- how excited we are to see what our baby looks like and learn of its gender, how scared we are that we will totally mess it up, how magical it will be to be on this new adventure together. On our anniversary on Thursday we instead may talk about how we wonder with pain and hope when we will become pregnant again, how scared we will be of another miscarrage, and what God's plan in all of this really is. There is NO ONE that I'd rather go through this with than Josh. He is so amazing and I feel abundantly blessed to live life alongside him. On another blog I found the following paragraph, which I think is eloquently and honestly written:

After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for an unlived life. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of the baby who has died. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Hole #4

"The First I Love You"

This hole was inspired by the first time I said, "I love you". How could I ever forget? I was supposed to be heading back to school but I just had to "wish your dad a happy birthday" before I left. I walked downstairs only to see my little princess was still sleeping...you were beautiful as ever. I sat down beside you and chatted for a bit, then I said what was in my heart..."I LOVE YOU". It felt so great and when I left I felt so amazing because you said I love you back to me... I don't know how I made it back to Winona that day, I was pretty high on life!

The winner of this hole received a hug.

Hole #3

"The First Kiss"

This hole was inspired by our first kiss. Oh how I remember it well... I smiled the whole way home and while I slept and the whole next day! Ok, yeah so it took me long enough... I was a wuss, what else can I say. We were chatting outside your house by my car after a great night of sitting on your comfy couch, watching the tube and talking. You said something about me not kissing you and.... BAM! I kissed you mid-sentence... I'll never forget that, totally priceless! From that night on I'd never kiss another woman again.

Awww! So sweet! Although... it makes me think... he said from that night on... what, did he kiss another woman that morning???

The winner of that hole got a kiss on the cheek.

Hole #2

This hole is titled "I Gotta See About A Girl"

This hole was inspired by the time I had "to see about a girl". I had finally got enough courage to ask you to hang out and I got your phone number. I remember that so well... I was so nervous that I was shaking in my backward black Titlest hat. Finally we made plans to golf together... but I had already made plans with Brooks and the guys, so I called them and told them that I had "to see about a girl". From there it has all been a dream!

The winner of hole #2 got a pound dog.

Hole #1

This could become a fairly long post... don't tell me I didn't warn you!

In 9 days, Josh and I will celebrate our FOURTH wedding anniversary. Where has the time gone?! In honor of us, I want to share a bit about our history and Josh's proposal.

Josh and I met in May 2001 at Willingers. He had a girlfriend and I was 100%, completely, fully, anti-long distance relationships (our colleges were 2.5 hours apart). With all my heart I believe it was God that brought us together-- we became an official couple on Sept 2, 2001. I was 19 years old and Josh was 20. Although we only saw each other on the weekends, our relationship progressed quickly. In just 1 month and 10 days, Josh dropped the "L" word. Within 3 months we talked about getting married (and I was still only 19!). On our 1 year anniversary, I moved to France for 4 months. I returned home around 11PM on December 21st (my golden birthday) and Josh proposed to me the next day.

That day, December 22nd, 2002, Josh told me that he had something special for me at his parents house (they conveniently were gone). I figured it was for my birthday. When we got there he explained that he had designed a golf course in his house and we were going to play it. I thought that was odd... but I went with it.

He even wrote a "Yardage Book" for the course, which he called "Josh's Dream Course". On the first page, he wrote:
Course Architect: Joshua J. Docken
Inspired By: Whitney E. Thydean

The course was 9 holes long, and for each hole he had written what it was inspired by. For the next 9 days, I am going to post 1 hole per day. It is fun to look back and remember this sweet and precious time in our lives!

Here we go..

The first page is actually called, "The History" and it reads...

Josh's dream course was created by Joshua Jeffrey Docken and inspired by Whitney Elizabeth Thydean. The project was started in June 2001 and will be played for the first time December 22, 2002. Soon after it will be open to the public. A special thanks to the man upstairs... none of this would be possible without God's awesome love. Thanks to all my family, Whit's family, and our friends for all their continued love and support. Most importantly I'd like to thank Whitney for always loving me and making all my dreams come true.

Awwww.... :)

Now, here is Hole#1.

Hole 1: "Cold Snickers and Dr. Pepper"
This hole was inspired by the countless times I came to ask you for a cold snickers and Dr. Pepper. I just loved seeing your smile and chatting with you... it didn't take long for me to give you your fist nickname "Smiles". Boy, I'm glad refills were only 25 cents or I'd be broke for sure. These times inspired me to write my first poem about you which later led to the letter I wrote you... the one that started it all!

So after he read this to me, we played the hole. The winner would get a prize, which varied for each hole. The winner of hole #1 got a smile.

So... you might (or are probably not) be interested in this letter he mentioned. Turns out, I still have it! I thought I would share that too because it really was an integral part of us becoming a couple!

Here is the letter. It was written just days before we started dating.

Whitney,
I just wanted to thank you for everything this last week. I'm really glad I had the chance to meet you and hang out with you, but I wish we could have met a lot sooner. I also wish I had more time to tell you how I felt (in case you didn't notice I'm pretty slow with that) because I'd feel like I was lying if I didn't. You really are awesome... you have one of the greatest personalities and cutest smiles I've ever seen and I'm not sure if I'm more intrigued with the places you've traveled, or what you did while you were there...it really shows your strong faith, your respect for life and others, as well as your huge heart!

I guess I just wanted to tell you what I haven't the last few nights because I feel like I owe you at least that...and since I probably won't be able to talk to you before I leave, I'll have to write it. I think you are one of the most amazing women I have ever met and I'm blessed to have had the chance to get to know you a little because I like you! I'll hopefully talk to you soon, but I'm late for work... I hope you have a great day! Keep smiling!
Thanks,
Josh Docken
jdocken4470@vax2.winona.msus.edu
(507) 453-1613

Stay tuned tomorrow for Hole #2!! :)

Over-reaction (wo)man

Do you remember those commercials (I can't remember what they were advertising) where someone responded irrationally to something and they said, "OVER-REACTION MAN!!". I felt like that today.

There is a new guy on our team (new to our team, not to Target) and he's struggling a bit. Since February I have been filling in for someone that was let go, and this guy is the replacement, so I've been transitioning the project to him over the past couple weeks. Well I heard about something he did last Thursday when I was out of the office that was NOT COOL at all so in the spirit of Target-style feedback, I approached him this afternoon to provide the feedback. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Hi ___! How was your weekend?? (I'm warming up)
Him: It was GREAT!
Me: Awesome! What happened?
Him: We bought a house! (they just moved here from Kansas)
Me: Great!
Him: And we sold our house in Kansas!
Me: Wow- that's awesome!
Him: AND we found out we're having another baby! It was a shocker!

And there it was. I literally felt like I was punched in the stomach.

Me: Oh wow, congratulations! So.. she must be due in February?
Him: No, March!
Me: (Thinking very hard on how in hell it could be biologically possible to have found out that you're having a baby in March).
Me: (continuing to think) well, congratulations, I'll see you tomorrow. (walk away. feedback will be provided tomorrow instead).

SERIOUSLY?! He has a 2 year old and a 4 year old and was shocked to find out just this weekend that they're having another. Um-- can we just have one, please?! (actually, I would love twins but would definitely take one for now).

So, yeah, that's my overreaction. I told Josh the story and he couldn't understand why it hit me so hard. I guess it's because I'm just going on with my day, minding my own business, and BAM! I am told that someone is having a surprise baby. It stings.

(You may be wondering why I am posting this on the internet. 1) not many people have access to this site, and 2) I started journeling with an actual pen and paper prior to my miscarriage and since then haven't been able to return to that journal. Until I am pregnant again, this blog has become my journal and it is theurapeutic for me to reflect and get my thoughts down).

Visiting the land of cheese, fireworks, and sausage.

Long live the road trip! Thanks to the 45+mpg Pri-pri (aka Prius), Bethanie, Barry, Josh and I trekked to Wisconsin this weekend. Barry wanted to fly us there (showoff) but alas, we did not listen. Even when we hit Lacrosse, Barry was still trying to convince us to turn around and return to the airport in Lakeville. Fortunately, it didn't take us too much longer than normal. Thanks Sue and our little GPS for helping us find good back roads! It felt sooo good to sleep after we arrived at Heather and Seans!

Saturday morning Bethanie ditched the girls, and went with the guys to see this dude that custom paints motorcycles (I threatened Josh with what I would do to him if he got ANY ideas at this place). Heather and I had fun visiting some cute shops in downtown Fort Atkinson. One super cute shop had a totally flooded basement :-(. After that, it was time to head to Milwaukee!

Tailgaiting at Miller Park in Milwaukee is SOO fun. DARN THOSE MINNESOTA DECISION MAKERS for not creating the same tailgating opportunity at the new Twins stadium!!! We had tons of yummy, unhealthy food, enjoyed several adult beverages, played washers and the bean bag game, and all around had a great time. It was fun to catch up with Ami and Scott too!!

For the actual game... it was one of the best I've seen! (Except for that game 6 of the 1991 world series that my dad and I went to... still haven't forgotten that we LEFT the game before Kirby's infamous home run). Sean and his friends are Brewers fans so Josh and I enjoyed talking SMACK with them all game. It went into extra innings and the Twins finally pulled it on in the 12th.

All in all, a very fun weekend! We hope to make it an annual tradition. Hopefully next time Wisconsin isn't totally flooded. On the way home it was incredible to see lakes where fields used to be just days ago! Keep everyone in Iowa and Wisconsin in your prayers!

Grandpa's visit

Grandpa was here for 10 days in May. It was soooo wonderful to spend time with him. Amongst other fun activities, we went golfing and had a great dinner at a hibachi restaurant. Love him!!!


At the Japanese restaurant. Sake!!
Sake for Whitney!! (we all took turns. Josh, Chris, and Mom did it twice!)

A tribute to Homestar Runner...

I (yes, I'm actually writing my first post) went out tonight in search of a helmet so I could take my 'new' bike out for a spin. I had no idea I would stumble upon this gem at the Harley store...love at first sight! The helmet reminded me of Homestar Runner (a cartoon I fell in love with in college). I was so inspired that I just had to pick it up.

The only good thing...

....about gaining 6 pounds since February is that I will have no problem giving blood!! I used to be too thin to give blood... those days are over!

Thankyouverymuch, fertility drugs.

"It's not about you"

I don't like bumper stickers. In fact, I think they're pretty tacky. But... if I were to have a bumper sticker, it would say this:

It's not about you!

All too often we get caught up in the mentality of me, me, me, me, me. But the truth is, it's not about me! It never was and never will be.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness".

"Jesus said, 'Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command'". John 15:13-14.