I don't care if they're smart

Okay, that's kind of a lie, but let me explain...

In college, one of my closest friends said to me once (I don't remember the exact words so I'm paraphrasing), "I always think that I can get the highest grade in the class.  Either I'll be the smartest or I'll work the hardest".  It was a pretty impactful conversation for me and it altered my perspective.  At first I was a little taken aback by the boldness of the statement.  But as I reflected more on her perspective, I slowly gained understanding and my confidence increased.  At the start of each new course, I thought to myself- either I'll be the smartest person in the class (not likely) or I'll work the hardest (also not likely) and I can get the highest grade (didn't always/often happen).   But even though I didn't usually get the highest grade in the class, I always thought, "Why NOT me? Why shouldn't I do the best?"  It was one of those- "you can do whatever you set your mind to"- perspectives.  Plastered on the wall in my 7th grade social studies classroom was a banner that read, "The harder you work, the luckier you get".  I never forgot it and it remains one of my favorite phrases.  Which is why it's slightly surprising to me that I don't really care if my children are smart.

I am much more concerned with their character than their intelligence.

I see evidence (hello Facebook and instagram) of mothers teaching their children how to count to 30 and recognize all of their ABCs and start to read before kindergarten and, and, and, and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with it (and I do think it's a good thing to teach your children), I find that I don't focus my energy on these things.

I care more about her heart than her smarts.

I want to teach Claire to be empathetic.  To deeply love her brother and her cousins and her friends.  To stick up for them and have their back. To practice forgiveness and humility.

I want to teach Claire, first and foremost, about Jesus, and what He did for her and for all of us.  That she may enter into relationship with Him, even at this tender age.  That no matter what, He is there to offer grace and new mercies and fresh starts, even by the hour.

I want to teach Claire about the realities of the world in which we live.  I've already sought teachable moments to share my heart and passion for the poor around the world.  I want her to see past her comfy suburban life and recognize the incredible advantages she has been given, simply by being born in this country.  I want her heart to break for others, like mine does daily. And then I want her to take action on it, even in the small, but powerful, ways that can be done by children.

I want to teach Claire how to have fun, not take herself too seriously, to laugh and laugh and laugh some more, and enjoy this beautiful life we have been given.

I want Claire to enjoy the fun blessings we have been given- the toys, the clothes, the accessories, the adventures, but realize that they are not the source of our happiness.  

To live in the world but not be of the world.

I want to teach Claire about modesty.  I have never forgotten the 7th grade girl in the confirmation class I led shortly after Josh and I married who wore a belly-baring, tight, hot pink t-shirt to the cold, damp, confirmation camp retreat that said, "Blondes Do It Better".  Being in 7th grade, who do you think purchased that for her?  I want Claire to feel confident in her clothing and to feel stylish, but not to use clothing as a means of grabbing attention or addressing insecurities.  I want her to know that she is already worthy.  She is worthy of self-respect and respect from boys and girls.  Her self-worth comes from being born in His image and not from a cleavage baring shirt or too low pair of jeans.  She is already worthy.

Yes, I will be proud of Claire when she comes home from school and proudly shows me that she received a high score on her spelling test.  Not because it's the highest score, but because she tried her best. But I will be even more proud of her when she comes home from school and tells me she chose to sit next to the new girl with no friends yet during lunchtime.

I care about her character and about her heart.  My daily prayer for Claire is that she will come to know Jesus, always seek God's will in her life, and live for His glory.

At age three, I honestly don't really care if she can recognize all of the letters of the alphabet (she can't) or count to 20 (she can't) or do some impressive hand-eye coordination slash crazy fine motor skills thing.  And I sincerely don't judge any mothers who place their focus on building these skill-sets and intellect.   I think it's admirable to teach your children.   But do I care if she's smart? Me, I care about her heart.


***Edited to add...  right after finishing this post, I went to Pinterest and the first Pin I clicked on was this blog post.  Wow, thanks God.  Pretty close to the exact thing I was trying to say in my blog post, but said much, much better.  Check it out. **