Claire at 12 months

Little Miss Claire Elizabeth at 12 months:

• Crosses her feet/ankles when she sits. A-dorable.
• Is very sensitive and shy. She does not like people she doesn't know very well, or groups of people, staring at her. She is altogether weary of strangers. This led to scowls during her entire 1 year photo shoot because she was so apprehensive of Jennie and her assistant! And you would have thought Dr Hansen was torturing her yesterday when she used her stethoscope. At her birthday party she bawled while eating cake because everyone was staring and laughing at her! Even after naps, she sometimes only wants to cling to Mommy.
• Sleeps like a champ. Goes to bed (drowsy but awake) around 6:30-7:00PM, wakes up once to eat around 6AM and goes back to bed until about 7:30 or so. She is taking 2-3 naps per day and they aren't super long (usually 45 min- 1 1/2 hour) so we need to work on that!
• Weighs 16 lbs 9 oz (1st percentile) and is 27 inches long (3rd-5th percentile). Her head is in the 25th-50th percentile. She looks very proportionate and just all around small!
• Loves to dance. She'll dance to almost any song- whether it's from a toy or from her tone-deaf parents!
• Has almost 6 teeth. Two on the bottom, one front tooth and the tooth next to it, and she's working on the other front tooth and tooth next to that. Teething is so miserable for her and us! As I write this, she's upstairs miserable in her crib with a strong fever and runny nose. Poor girl. And poor Mommy and Daddy (and Grandma Annie).
• Understands more words but doesn't say any yet. (besides the couple times she said and meant "mama").
• Eats better. She still can be picky but she's expanded her selection beyond bananas, yogurt, bread, and cheese. She loooves her homemade yogurt and her homemade muffins that have tons of vegetables (and no sugar) in them. She started drinking WCM (whole cow's milk) on Sunday and she loves that too!! She really likes her cheerios too. She doesn't like meat very much but she gets protein through cheese, yogurt, and eggs. She tried hummus yesterday and didn't think it was too bad!
• Isn't too fond of sharing her toys. I didn't know that started this early! She'll give a toy to one of her friends but then she takes it right back and if she can't get it back, she'll clearly demonstrate her disappointment.
• Is an explorer! She's into everything! You can hardly take your eyes off of her.
• Is pretty gentle with her cousin Brody. He joined her in daycare last Friday. When he cried the first day, she brought him her beloved stuffed lamb. She took his paci (which is identical to hers) out of his mouth a couple times and gave it to Grandma Annie. They'll be best of buds!
• Still wears size 2 shoes! Looks like she got her foot size from her Mama! She wears mostly size 9 month clothes, but also some size 6-12 months and some 12 months.

She's 1!!

Claire is one year old today!! She had a great day. I'll post pictures and more about her birthday party tomorrow! She was overwhelmed with all of her friends and family at her house and kept shoveling the cake into her mouth while alligator tears streamed down her face. It was precious! We had a great turn out at the party and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. Tomorrow is Claire's doctor appt and I'm anxious to see how much she's grown! I'm hoping for 16 pounds :)

The weather today was much like last April 25th- rainy, dreary and cool. I continued the tradition of an Italian dinner on April 25th- last year it was spaghetti and meatballs (which I ate about 1 1/2 hours (I think??) after giving birth) and this year it was lasagna!

Last year I posted a loooong post about my labor and delivery. Since I'm nostalgic today and enjoy taking a trip down memory lane, here it is!

Random thoughts

• A co-worker, who hails from Michigan, told me today that I love Minnesota more than anyone else he knows. Hmmm... I DO love Minnesota! I love the sports teams, the weather, the seasons, the education system, the lakes, the cities, 'up north' (especially now that I have a cabin to visit 'up north'!!!), the people, and I could go on and on! But it's funny that a co-worker that I'm not even that close to would make this observation!


• Claire has SIX teeth all of a sudden!! The bottom two are completely in, two on the top are partially in, and two more on the top just broke through. WOW! Where is my baby going??


• I am feeling very nostalgic this week!! I so remember the last week of my pregnancy. The emotions, the excitement, taking a gazillion walks (Sydney was LOVING her life), not sleeping at all, feeling like the end would never come, and not being able to call my mom without her answering "are you in labor?!?!?!?!?!?!?". While part of me wishes I could turn back time and go through all the magical moments all over again (including the labor and delivery; I loved my labor and delivery!) and the sheer excitement of having our baby girl finally in our arms and lives. But another (huge) part of me can't imagine not being exactly where we are right now- with this amazing little being that has wants, desires, emotions, and a large personality! We've come so far and I can't help but get wrapped up in reflection!

This little tiny baby

was sent from God above

To fill our hearts with happiness

and touch our lives with love

He must have known we'd give our all

And always do our best

To give our precious baby love

And be grateful and so blessed.

"Strong Christian"-- what does that mean??

I'm kind of thinking out loud (or typing out loud??) here so bear with me, as it might be a bit scattered.

I had a conversation this weekend with Josh and a couple friends. We talked about a friend of theirs, who we'll just call "Bob" for the purpose of this story, that recently got into some trouble. Bob owns his own business and it was discovered recently that he was doing some illegal, jail-worthy, things within his business. We discussed how it was so surprising to them because Bob is a "strong Christian". He goes to church every Sunday, he's involved in his congregation, etc etc. The perplexing question is how could a 'strong Christian' commit these crimes? I shared my opinion that just because someone is active in their church, it doesn't mean they're a 'strong Christian'.

Then...Sunday night... I was at a concert with my mom, Brad, and Josh at Excel. It was Casting Crowns, Caleb Chapman, and Tenth Avenue North. It was AWESOME. It was my 4th time seeing Casting Crowns and, once again, I was not disappointed! Anyways, the lead singer for Tenth Avenue North has a gift of sharing the gospel in a way that is just real to people. He was engaging and inspirational. He explained how the gospel is not about us or about what we do for Him. The gospel is about what God did for us. God's perfection is made whole in our weakness. The weak, the lame, and the strong, are all one in Christ, because it's about Him being glorified in our weakness.

This really, really resonated with me. It brought me back to the earlier conversation about Bob and his being a 'strong Christian' who committed bad crimes. It made me think... what does that phrase even mean?? A strong Christian? I hear it all the time, and I admit to using it myself as well. What a strange, strange way to describe someone.

If a believer is someone who believes in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior..

Then...

Is a STRONG believer someone that believes even more in Jesus Christ?

How does that work exactly??

Yes, faith is a journey. I do not have the same faith as I had when I was 16 and truly accepted Jesus as my Savior. I have grown immensely. But would I label myself a "weak Christian" or simply a "Christian" back then and a "strong Christian" now? Absolutely not. I still fail every single day. I sin every day.

When we label ourselves or others as 'strong' Christians or Believers, we unfortunately turn the focus onto ourselves and what we are doing for Him. But the problem is that He doesn't need us. He could survive just fine without us. But he wants us. He chose to create and reside in us, for His ultimate glory. So we (and by we, I mean I) should work diligently to direct our focus onto what He has down for us, and how He can be glorified through our weakness.

And stop labeling others (or ourselves!!) as "strong" Christians, because that's just silly!!!!

Letting Go and Letting God

I had a big morning at work. I had an IDA (Individual Development Assessment), which everyone in my pyramid has about every 2 years. My 6 interviews were with senior leaders (my boss' boss' boss and his peers) so it was important they went well!! I was also told it was a possibility to have a new job opportunity out of this so I was sort of interviewing for a job but I had no idea what the job(s) were. My boss' boss had done some digging around and told me he learned what some of them were but refused to tell me! So that was cool. Anyways, I was pretty nervous and stressed out!

Last night I was laying in bed and praying for all sorts of things... for peace, calmness, clarity, that my assessors would see the true Whitney, for clear communication, composure, (total coincidence they almost all started with "C"...hmm..)etc etc. And then I prayed simply for God's will to happen. Whatever that may be. And I instantly felt a wave of peace and relaxation fall over me.

It's so easy to fall into the trap that we think we know what is best for us. All we need to do is tell God (as if He didn't know) and pray that it be so. But the truth is, there is no sweeter spot to be than in alignment with GOD's will. Not our own. When Josh and I struggled for months and months and months to conceive a child I cried out in anguish and would plead with God to "Please, please make us parents. Please bless us with a baby. But only if it's Your will. But I pray that it IS Your will. Amen." It's hard to completely let go and pray for God's will to be done in our lives.

But I am trying to do that more and more. When I prayed last night for His will to be done, not mine, I felt a peace.

This morning went well. I pretty much blew the first interview but did fairly well, I think, in the other 5. Who knows what will happen. Maybe I'll get feedback that helps me to develop further as a leader and maintain my current position for the foreseeable future. Maybe I'll have an opportunity for a new position. Maybe I'll even get a promotion. But whatever happens, I pray that it's God's will, not my own. Easier said than done!!!

It Takes a Village

It takes a village to raise a child... or so they say. And I'm going with it.

Claire is incredibly fortunate to have many influential people in her lives... we live so close to family and good friends and I can't imagine it being any other way! She will grow up with adults, cousins, and friends that will nurture and develop her, hopefully into a well-rounded individual that is more about others than herself and calls Jesus her Lord and Savior. That is my hope and prayer at least.

I want to be the one molding, developing, teaching, and guiding her. I want to look back and be able to confidently say that I played an instrumental role in forming who she is today. And I think I will be- but maybe not the extent that I desire.

I just want and need more time with her. Now that she is ready for bed at 6PM and goes to bed by 6:45PM, I really don't spend any (quality, non-tantrum) time with her during the week. So I get 2 out of 7 days. And those 2 days are also spent running errands, seeing friends and family, cleaning, etc etc. 2/7 = not enough. But, it is what it is.

I recently proposed a thoughtful and thorough flexible work arrangement to my boss. Essentially I wanted to receive 20% less salary and work 4 eight hour days (Mon-Thur). Going into it, I thought my chances were 95% no/5% yes. He was surprisingly receptive and we had a great conversation about how my purpose in life is to build a family and help others rather than build a resume. I can't bring my career accomplishments with me to Heaven. He totally understood my desire for a little more work/life balance for a couple years, considering I have 30 years left to work! After our conversation I felt encouraged and thought my chances had improved to maybe 60% no/40% yes.

A week later he laid down the hammer and said no.

Flat out...no.

He gave me three reasons that were weak at best and I argued my point (we have a good relationship and open communication) and left it at that. I think he (maybe subconciously) is trying to protect me and do what he thinks is best for my career. He is molding my career and life according to his values, not according to mine.

For the time being, I am dropping it. I might have an opportunity for a different position in the next 6 months or so and I want to see where that goes. Depending on what happens, perhaps I'll look into going to a different part of Target where flexible work arrangements are more prevalent or I'll reintroduce my case and make a stronger appeal.

And in the meantime, I need to pray for peace and accept the fact that Claire will be raised by a village. And for the foreseeable future she will spend more time with one Grandma than she does with me. I tell myself that once she enters elementary school, it will be different. Josh and I will return to the most influential people in her life. It's just the first 5.5 years that we are not. I say this and I act all 'okay' and strong, but inside I'm not. The truth is, I feel more like a participant and spectator in Claire's life than her "person". She loves me and I will always be her mom and we'll have that special bond. But I just won't have the role that I so desire to have....and it breaks my heart.