Mother

A mother laughs our laughter,

Sheds our tears, 

Returns our love,

Fears our fears, 

She lives our joy,

Cares our cares, 

And all our hopes and dreams she shares. 

-Julia Summers 

38 Week Update

I had my 38 week appt yesterday.  Made a little progress- 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced.  I'm still holding out hope that he'll arrive on Monday.  Sleep has been my nemesis this week but other than that, I think I'm hanging in there quite well.  Have a great Saturday!

Claire at 18 months

Miss Claire Elizabeth is a year and a half old!  How did that happen?!  She is growing so beautifully into a charming, sweet, vivacious young girl.  Here's what's new with Claire at 18 months:

• Weighs 20 lbs 2 oz (3rd %) and is 31 inches tall (25%).  Her head is in the 25-50th percentile.
• Wears size 12 months and 12-18 months. She's between size 3 and 4 for shoes.
• Continues to be obsessed with being outside. She doesn't care at all what she's doing- as long as she's outside.  Coming inside warrants a huge fit.  Yesterday she cried at the door for a long time after I got home from work before I was finally able to distract her with playdoh.  Earlier this month we were at the cabin and it was 34 degrees and raining.  She insisted on going outside for so long that I finally gave in.  I figured that as soon as she realized we were getting wet and it was cold, she'd want to come in.  Nope, she was as happy as could be just walking around outside in the rain and cold, without even any toys to play with.  I wonder how she's going to handle the winter?!
• Talks a lot.  I don't know how many words she has, but there's a long list of them!  Some of the new ones include: more peas (please) (She's been saying "more" and "peas" for awhile, but now strings them together), purse, yes, bear, mail, coat, hat, pillow.
• Is going to be a piece of cake, I think, to potty train!  She is so aware of her body.  She sometimes tells us right before she goes potty and nearly every time tells us right after she's gone (and insists on being changed promptly).  She says "poopie" for both #1 and #2, but we can work on that.  She continues to be clean and dry through every night.  Today she held it from before 5PM yesterday until 8:30AM this morning!  She drinks a lot so we're not concerned that she's not getting enough fluid.  Her doctor told us this morning that teaching them to hold it is the hardest part of training, so we're thrilled she's already so far along in that regard.  I'm going to get a potty chair and just see what we can start doing.  Starting potty training at the same time that we're adding a newborn to the mix isn't ideal timing, so we'll take it slow and let her dictate. 
• Eats so-so.  Part of me feels like she eats like a bird, but I also remind myself that she's just a little girl and that she'll eat if she's hungry.  Breakfast is her biggest meal- I think it's a combination of not eating for 13 hours and the more desirable food selections.  She's not a fan of vegetables (but we keep trying) or meat.  She loves fruit, yogurt, oatmeal, waffles, mac and cheese, noodles, raisins, milk.
• Is quite girly.  You can take the girl out of the pink, but you can't take the girl out of the girl!  Nana gave her a (grown up) purse last weekend and Claire very much enjoys carrying it around with her (with her Nokia cell phone inside, of course).  She also carries her babies around and wraps them in blankets.  This morning she was so precious- she patiently waited at the front door so we could leave for her doctor appt while Josh and I got last minute stuff together.  As she stood there patiently waiting, she was holding her purse on her left shoulder and her baby in her right arm.  Josh told her, "don't be growing up too fast, sweetheart!". 
• Is shy but is starting to come out of her shell.  You know she's getting shy when she stands at my side and holds onto my leg or puts her right 4 fingers into her mouth.  She's thoroughly enjoying gymnastics and I think it's helping her become less timid. 

I cannot WAIT to spend 12 glorious weeks with my precious firstborn!  It's a dream come true.  She is everything to us and we can't imagine what our life was like before she was here. 

Grounded

It's only 6:17AM, but already today is not off to a great start.  My commute home (32 miles) yesterday took 1 hour 50 minutes and it was stressful to drive in the crazy winds in a vehicle that desparately needs new ties.  Then I literally got ZERO sleep last night.  The winds certainly didn't help my pregnancy-induced insomnia.  I tried different rooms in the house and still- nada.  How do you not sleep a wink?!  This morning I had a conference call with a company in China at 6AM.  I'm sitting on the couch now, needing to get up and head out for my day full of meetings.  I have just 30 minutes today (including the lunch hour) that isn't filled with a meeting.  So....yeah.... I'm feeling a little down. 

But then I read this. 

And it keeps me grounded.

I don't know who wrote it.  But I like it.

Live each day knowing all of the Gospel is true.

Live each day determined to be

useful and joyful in Jesus.

Live this day in a way that,

should all things change tomorrow,

you will know that the Lord is your God

and this is the day to be satisfied in Him.

No matter my circumstances, I desire and choose to be useful and joyful in Jesus today.  Amen! 

37 week update- Full Term!

So I'm full term today- hooray!! 

I had my 37 week appointment this morning.  I was much happier with my clinic.  My appt was at 9AM in Burnsville and I was in the parking ramp in downtown Minneapolis by 9:37AM.

I am now dilated to 3cm.  That's progress!  Still 60% effaced.  It doesn't mean a whole lot- I could go into labor in the next hour or I could have to be induced 3 weeks from now.  But the one thing it does mean is that I have that much less to do when I'm in active labor.  Dr. Shibley said some women (bless their hearts) are in active labor for 10 hours before they reach 3cm.   This (3cm) is where I was with Claire when I went into the hospital.  Admitted at 3cm and got an epidural at 5.5cm. 

Baby is very low, which causes other fun side effects, but at least it means he's no longer lodged into my right ribcage like he was for a couple weeks (ouch!!!).  I am up 27 pounds and I'm just fine with that.  Sleep has been better lately. I'm more uncomfortable at night but I haven't had as much insomnia.  I'm using large pillows under my belly when I sleep which is helping.  Overall, I can't complain much! 

Now I'm shooting for a birthday of 11/1.  But I know full-well that I could be in the hospital tonight or I could still be pregnant over 3 weeks from now!  Only God knows when this little miracle will join our arms! 

Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus

A short example to highlight the difference between me and Josh:

Whitney’s involvement in the October 16th photo shoot

August-September: 

• I see an opportunity to do a mini photo session in October with the woman who will be doing our son’s newborn pictures.  The purpose of the session is to get 18 mos pictures of Claire, some maternity pictures for me, and some last photos of us as a family of three.  I talk to Josh about it, get his approval, book the session, pay the money. 
• I find an outfit for Claire.
• I decide the outfit isn’t cute enough and find a new one for Claire at Target.
• I find the perfect shoes to match the Target outfit for Claire at Gap.   Once I try them on Claire, I find that the shoes are too small.  I return the shoes but they don’t have a bigger size.  So I find a bigger size of the shoe at a different Gap location.
• I shop for a maternity shirt for myself to coordinate with Claire.    
• Make sure Claire’s outfit is washed and ironed (thanks Annie for ironing the shorts!). 

The night before: 

• I had searched high and low for thicker cream tights to go with Claire’s outfit but hadn’t found anything that worked. So I ran to Burnsville center and found a pair at the third store I visited.

The day of (Saturday morning): 

• I print directions.  
• Remind Josh that we have to leave by 11:10 (after calculating how much time we need to allow for travel, traffic, etc.  The pictures were in Rogers).   
• Shower and get ready.   
• Plan Claire’s nap time so that she can have a bath after she gets up, so she doesn’t go down for a nap with wet hair and get bed head.  
• Remind Josh again that we need to leave at 11:10.  
• Feed Claire an early lunch. 
• Pack more snacks for Claire in her diaper bag since she’ll be hungry once it’s over.  Pour a sippy cup of water and put it in the bag. 
• Make sure she has a change of clothes, diapers, etc, in her diaper bag.  
• Get her dressed.  
• Get myself dressed.  
• Feed myself lunch.  

Josh’s involvement

The day of:  

• He gets in the shower at 10:55AM.  
• At 11:08AM he asks me what he should wear.  I tell him it’s his decision.   
• At 11:10 he walks into the closet, picks a brown sweater and a pair of jeans, and gets dressed.

We’re out the door at 11:18AM.

I honestly could not ask for a better dad for my children, but seriously, women don’t get enough credit for what we do!! 

36 week update

I had a great 36 week appt on Thursday.  Well, great, except for the fact that I had to wait over an hour to have a 7 minute appt with my doctor.  Thank goodness for the New York Times app on my iPhone. 

It started with a growth ultrasound to measure the baby's size, since Claire was so small at birth.  Not this fella!  He's measuring 6 lbs 2 oz.  His abdomen is measuring right on track but his head is measuring two weeks larger, so that should make for an interesting delivery.  He's in the 60th percentile, which is exactly where he was at my 26 week ultrasound.  He has quite a bit of hair- you could actually see it moving in the ultrasound.  He also has the cutest chubby cheeks!  It was so fun to see him in the 4D images.  From the 4D images, I think his profile, with his chin, chubby cheeks, and nose looks just like Claire when she was a baby.  She asked if my husband was short because the baby has short legs.  Let's see...short legs...huge head... this may be a baby only a mother could love! :)

We found during my exam that I am already 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced.  At 38 weeks with Claire, I was just 1 cm dilated.  Dr Shibley said (this is a direct quote), "there is no way you're making it to your due date".  That's notable because doctors typically take a conservative approach when advising when the baby might come.  With Claire they reminded me that 50% of women go past their due date.  The baby is also very low already, which makes sense for how I'm feeling!  Dr Shibley also said he thinks I'll have a very quick (relatively speaking) delivery.  He asked how far I live and work from the hospital.  While our house is only 3 miles from the hospital, I work an hour away, so he said I'll have to consider delivering at Southdale instead if I go into labor at work. 

We don't exactly feel ready for our precious baby to come but he's coming sooner than later!  I'm going to start working on packing my bag this weekend!  (p.s. my 'guess' for his arrival is November 2nd).  Want to place any guesses????

Missing Man's Best Friend

 They say that a dog is man’s best friend, and how true it is. Where else can you find the unconditional love, constant companionship, the always-so-excited-to-see-you greeting even if you just went outside to get the mail? Our doggies bring us incredible joy, love, and laughter. They also bring us pain, as goodbye is always said sooner than we would like.

Sometimes we say goodbye after a long, healthy, and full life, as was the case with precious Cookie, who passed away on Christmas Eve 2007 at the age of 18.

Sometimes we say goodbye after a long life and feel peace knowing that our loved one is no longer in pain, as with loveable Kaycee, who passed away last fall at the age of 13 after fighting arthritis, hip pain, allergies, and other ailments.

Sometimes goodbye is said once a dog’s life is cut tragically short, as with Cody, who died last fall after a freak accident while hunting with my dad.

And sometimes we say even have to say goodbye far too soon, knowing that the decision, as painful as it is, is the best one for our family and our pet. Such is the case with our Sydney.

No matter how it happens, it’s always too soon and never easy. It’s the joy that our dogs bring us while they’re here that makes the goodbye worth it.

 

Sydney joined our family in February 2005, just 7 months after Josh and I were married.  We had wanted to wait until spring to get a dog because I was busy studying for the Customs Broker exam and we weren’t thrilled about house training in the winter.  I wanted a large dog, like a golden retriever.  Josh wanted a small one, like a pug. After much research and consideration, we ‘compromised’ and landed on a Boston Terrier.  Ironically enough, one of the reasons we chose a Boston is because they are known to be very good with children.  Seeing that Sydney is 15 lbs, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who made a compromise!  Josh found a puppy online, who was the last in her litter.  She was on sale for $100 off because she had previously been spoken for and a deposit had been made.  However, when it was time for her to go to her new home, the breeder could not reach the owners, so she went back for sale.  The breeder brought her over one winter evening and we just wanted to see what we thought.  The minute we laid eyes on her, we knew she was ours.  The next day we purchased all the supplies and welcomed her into our home.

The next 6 years with Sydney would be wonderful.  She is the most lovable, playful, cuddly, sweet puppy I have ever known.  She will always be my mom’s first ‘grandchild’.  There were many times my mom would call me and ask, “Can Sydney please come stay with Grandma for the weekend?!?!”.

Sydney isn’t perfect.  She loves people food and it wasn’t unusual to find her on the kitchen table “helping” you finish the last of your supper.  She frequently wakes you up at night with her snoring.  The only command she really knows and follows is “sit”.  She thinks she’s the boss and makes sure that you and all the other doggies know it.  But no matter how mischievous she was, she was ours.  Our dear little Sydney Bristow, who joined Josh and I as we grew in our marriage, in our careers, in our lives.  Through the ups and downs, the moments of tears, and the moments of happiness, she was always there the past six years.  Always happy to see you.  Always there to cuddle and keep you warm.  Always seeking your companionship. 

This process of letting go is painful. I have felt my share of pain over the years. Traveling through my parents’ divorce was the most pain I have, and hope to ever have, experienced. The type of pain that makes you literally collapse on the floor, be physically ill, and unable to move or eat or breathe kind of pain. Through that journey, I learned to respect pain. While the pain of losing Sydney can in no way compare to the pain from my parents’ divorce, I’m able to apply some lessons I learned through it.

It would be easy for me to put up walls around my heart, put this pain and experience of losing Sydney into a little box, tuck it away, and use compartmentalization as a coping technique. Once the little box is tucked away, I can move on and put all my energy towards preparing for my son to arrive in just a short number of weeks. The truth is, I’m pretty skilled at this compartmentalizing stuff. It’s how I’ve coped with different struggles throughout my life, such as being separated from my daughter far more than I would like. But it’s not healthy and won’t help me accept this change, process the grief, and move on.

This is Syd with her best buds Ali and Maizie

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I need to hear the silence as I enter the front door and am not greeted by a jumping, excited, barking, little Sydney.  I want to feel her absence when we’re with Laurie and Andrew and not watching Sydney play joyfully with her best buds Ali and Maizie.  For a long, long time I will notice and feel that she’s gone.  Ignoring it will not help me heal and won’t let me embrace and fondly remember the significant impact she had on our family. 
  
 

Thank you for your support and prayers. Thank you for the kind visit and cookies, for the emails and phone calls, and for joining us in loving and remembering Miss Sydney.

I love you, Sydney. You’re not forgotten!

On My Mind

I have a lot on my mind tonight.  Tomorrow evening we are handing our precious poochie over to a new family.  Dave is picking her up around 6PM.  It will be a very hard moment for us.  I have some thoughts brewing in my mind and heart that I want to get down in a post soon but I don't have the energy or emotion for it tonight.  It's hard to believe it's our last evening to cuddle with her.  Tomorrow will be the last morning to wake up with her at the bottom of our bed.  I can't wrap my mind around it.

Also on my mind and heart is my dear friend Sarah.  Her dad, who is just an amazing person that Josh and I have loved getting to know over the years, was diagnosed a couple weeks ago with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  Their family is covered in prayer and are trusting God with each step of this journey. 

Just 5 weeks until baby boy is due.  If he's two days early like Claire was, he'd be born 5 weeks from today!  Incredible.  I am still feeling quite good for being this far along.  Unfortunately my detested 3rd Trimester insomnia has kicked in full force.  This happens to some women; it happened for me with Claire and now it's happening again.  Although I am tired, I just can't sleep at night.  Two nights ago I didn't fall asleep until after 2AM and last night it was after 1AM.  That doesn't leave much time to sleep when my alarm goes off at 5:30!  I usually wake up to go to the bathroom too.  We are cherishing our last few weeks with our baby girl.  She is such a joy!!  Tonight she learned the word "walrus", which is one of her buddies that joins her during bathtime.  She's really blossoming in gymnastics and Josh and I are so glad we're doing that with her! It's a great time for all three of us.  She is less timid with each week.  At last night's class she showed a lot of interest in the two other girls who were there- Jillian and Ella. 

Well, this isn't a very exciting post but there will be more to come soon.  We appreciate you keeping us in prayer tomorrow as we watch our first baby leave our nest.