Complete

Why is it so hard to feel content being right where we are in life?  I find that I'm always looking toward the future, and I don't think I'm alone in this.

When I was engaged, I just wanted to be married.

When I live in an apartment, I wanted a house.

When I started grad school, I wanted to graduate.

When I was pregnant, I wanted the baby to be born.  

Why??  I try so hard to be content where I am-- to fully live in and appreciate the here and now- but I find that I fail again and again.

When Claire was a baby I truly cherished every day we had with her.  But I didn't feel complete.  I knew that we wanted another baby someday (I never thought it would be this soon!) and that feeling left me....not "whole".  I felt incomplete. I wondered, when will we have another baby? Will we need to pursue infertility treatments again?  Will I (God forbid) have another miscarriage? Will I have two daughters or a daughter and a son?

Then we were beyond blessed with Max.  And now.... now I feel more complete than I have in years.  I have my healthy, beautiful children.  We may or may not have more babies.  Only God knows for sure.  But I no longer feel like I'm waiting for the next thing.  And it feels good to feel complete.