Thoughts on perspective

It was bittersweet to wean Claire from nursing.  Since I was already in my second trimester with Max, I was okay with sharing my body with only one baby.  Plus, I knew, God willing, she wouldn't be my last baby and I had nursing days ahead of me.  Now that I'm weaning Max and I know he could be my last baby, it's a little more emotional for me.  I am down to nursing when he wakes and before bed and Max will be weaned by the time I leave for Asia in November. 

This morning I was nursing Max before the sun came up and enjoying the sweet relaxing moments before my busy day began.  He was cuddly and warm and all I could hear in the house was his soft breathing and I remembered why those moments are my favorite moments of the entire day.  It crossed my mind that I am going to miss this. 

Then, out of left field, perspective entered my mind.  I thought about the Mommys in Africa, who are just like me, and are rocking their baby boys at that very same moment, in the peaceful darkness.  They passionately love their children, just like me, and would give their life to protect them.  The difference is that my baby boy is healthy, growing, well taken care of, thriving.  Some of these Mommys are holding their baby boys as they die from malaria due to a simple bug bite that could have been prevented by a $10 mosquito net.  And instantly, I no longer felt sad about our nursing coming to an end.  Because, at least, my baby boy is healthy.  Those Mamas would give anything to only be concerned about breastfeeding coming to a close.  I truly have nothing to be sad about.

I don't know exactly what to call it..  a characteristic? A spiritual gift? A worldview that has been developed by experiences that have shaped me?  Whatever it is, perspective is something that controls my thoughts and my actions.  In many ways, it dulls my emotions.  I have a "why does this even matter?!" or "why would I care about ____???" response to many things in life, such as, matters at work, material items, commonplace activities, etc.  A not-very-close colleague at work caught me by surprise recently when he said to me, "You think more eternally, don't you?"  Maybe I do.  And maybe that shows through, even when I don't pour out my heart, as I do on my blog? 

It also impacts my relationship with my family, and Josh in particular.  I have a difficult time just caring about things that he cares about (and things that are very commonly cared about) because I just don't get what the point is at the end of the day.  It's hard to explain and I'm probably not doing a very good job at it. 

I'm thankful for the perspective that I have and how it shapes my attitudes, my spending, my relationships, my parenting, and my future.  I think that there must be some reason for it and I pray that I listen when God reveals it.  And in the meantime, my gratitude for my healthy son will overshadow my sadness for a chapter closing in my life.