On rainbow babies and the weekend

Today is January 29th.  It marks four years since we suffered our miscarriage.  I think back upon that time and find that the memories from that day (those days) are still so vivid (in 2009, I wrote about them in detail here).  Though I knew our first baby for such a short while, they have never been forgotten.  Today I have tangible proof of God's faithfulness and mercies.  Some people refer to their first earthly baby after they experienced a miscarriage or infant loss as their rainbow baby.  Just as a rainbow appears after the rain, so have these rainbow babies blessed their Mommies and Daddies and proven God's love and promises for them.  Claire is my perfect rainbow baby and I cannot imagine my life without her. 

She loves to play with her "paper dolls" and she, remarkably, will play independently with them for quite some time.  

On Friday I finally took her to the Pediatrician after she complained about a stomach ache for almost two weeks straight.  Her appetite had lessened and she was waking up multiple times a night screaming about her tummy ache.  She did NOT want to go to the doctor.  She said, "I don't have to go to the doctor. Brody is crying for me. Can you hear him? Brody said he wants Claire so I have to go see him so I can't go to the doctor. Do you hear me, Mom? Brody said he can make me feel better, so I go see him, I don't have to see the doctor." She is too funny!

This afternoon I left for a few hours to visit my friend's new baby.  When I came home, Claire ran to me from the porch with her arms extended while shouting, "Mommy, I love you and I missed you!!  I love you and I missed you!". 

 A couple nights ago when I was rocking Claire before bed, she said, "Mom, I miss you when at work."

She is always making us laugh.  She grabbed her towel when I was folding laundry this evening, grabbed her shades, and pretended to fly like a butterfly (her towel is a butterfly). 

Later, she threw on her coat (and she wasn't wearing a shirt underneath because I was trying to put on her jammies), scarf, hat, necklace, and boots and pretended that she was coming in the door from "work".  

Besides the children being sick (and therefore being demanding, fussy, and stealers of sleep), we had a very nice weekend.  I recently re-joined Lifetime Fitness and enjoyed starting Saturday with a good workout. That evening, the Ketcher family came over for a playdate and fondue dinner.  Everleigh and Claire get along great. 

Baby Briggs is an adorable chunky munk.  

Mmmm....love fondue at home. We had a great time eating, drinking wine, chatting, and playing with the Ketchers.  It was a little chaotic with four small children but it was nice to have dinner with another couple who "gets" how that is and just goes with the flow.  

Today we celebrated Brody's second birthday!!  It seems like he was just born yesterday and I remember the day so clearly (how Bethanie and Barry came to our house the morning of their induction to drop off their doggie, how I left work early so I could take Claire from Annie, how Josh and I ate dinner at Jimmy Johns while Bethanie was in the final hour of labor..).  What a blessing Brody is in our lives!  The bond he and Claire have is beyond words. 

After the party I went to Pam's house to meet her new baby, Brady. It was great to hear how life as a mother is treating her, and spend time with Sarah and Amy too.  He is a keeper! 

And finally, a couple pictures of my silly sweetheart.  Max is at a super fun age.  He gives the best hugs  (if you're sitting, squatting, kneeling, etc on the ground, he will come over to you and give you a big hug).  When I come home from work, he waddles as fast as his little legs will let him and says, "Mommy! Mommy!  Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!".  He makes my heart overflow. 

(Max has bruises on his cheeks, snot from his nose, and drool from his mouth.  Such is the face of a 14 month old).  

Stay tuned for the top 10 things Claire has said during the middle of night that have made me want to scream "JUST GO TO SLEEP!!!". 

Praying for a miracle

Tonight, I am tired.  I have had very little sleep during the past five nights due to my sweet son being very sick.  When I placed him in his crib tonight, I laid my hand on his belly and prayed for his fever to break, his nose to clear of congestion, his cough to ease, a long night of sleep, and much-needed rest for his Mom and Dad.  That was 30 minutes ago and he's already been up three times...  woo-sa....woo-sa....

In much more worthy news..... a woman who reports to me is dying.

I type that out in hopes that I will somehow be able to believe it.  Wrap my mind around it.

I have known this sweet woman, Maria, for eight years and she's been on my team for almost two.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 1/2 years ago, had chemotherapy and a mastectomy and was on the road to recovery.  This past year she was told she might have 15 years to live (how do doctors predict these things?).  Then a few months ago she was told it was now months to live...if that.  The cancer has spread everywhere and she's in significant pain.

My heart breaks for her. For her husband.  For their daughter.

She is beginning a leave of absence so she can take one more shot at chemotherapy.

Today, another woman on the team brought in a prayer shawl for Maria.  She asked me and another person who reports to me if we could give it to Maria together and pray over her.  It was 11:00AM and the time of prayer was set for 2:15.  Room NCD-03-100W.

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the room and saw approximately fifteen people from our broader team.  Folks that I didn't necessarily know were believers.  I started turning around, thinking I had the wrong room, until they said I was in the right spot.

The shawl was placed on Maria.  We all crowded around her and placed fifteen hands on her broken body.

Linda started praying.  Once she was done, I began.  I prayed for wisdom and clarity for her doctors, I prayed that Maria would have a voice in this process, I prayed for comfort and relief from pain, and most of all, I prayed for a miracle.

Maria joined in next.  There was hardly a dry eye in the room as she called out for mercy and healing.

When the prayers were over, she went around to give grateful embraces. I told her we love her.

She left the building to go to a doctor appointment where she would receive an injection in her eye (she has a tumor in her right eye).  The rest of us went back to our desks, to return to our meetings and emails.

How amazing. To come together as believers in a place such as Tar.get Headquarters and pray alongside our co-workers. I'm thankful.  And I'm awfully sad.  And I'm remembering that one way or another, God will have the victory.

Beer and gymnastics

Last weekend Amy hosted a 30th birthday party for Kris.  It's crazy to recall how I celebrated our 20th birthdays with these same friends and now we're celebrating our 30th birthdays!  

It was so nice to get out of the house and be with adults, without little children running around. Amy had a beer tasting at the party with a guy who owns "A Perfect Pint".  It was a fun addition to the party! In November, Amy and Kris moved into a new house that they built (you can see snippets of the kitchen in these pictures).  It is GORGEOUS!  

As I made my 2011 photobook, I realized that 99% of the pictures I take are of the children.  When I'm older, I want to at least think that I had a life outside of the kids, so I made sure to take proof at the party.   College roommates with our college sweethearts! 

Last week Claire graduated from her third semester of gymnastics.  It's fun to look at how she has grown since she first started gymnastics. 

These pictures are from her first graduation, in January 2011. 

These are from her second graduation, in June 2011. 

And the rest of the pictures are from graduation last week, January 2012.  

My sweet boy was excited to be there. Claire was just a little bit older than him when she started gymnastics, but Max is getting the shaft.  We aren't up for activities two nights a week yet. Sorry, dude! 

I can't say that Claire is the most coordinated child in her gymnastics class. While I have visions of her following in my dancing footsteps, we'll have to see where her passions and strengths lie. 

You never let go

Claire's favorite song is "You Never Let Go" (by Jeremy Camp, although other artists sing it too).  She knows almost the entire first verse and she rocks the chorus.  When we leave the house she says, "Go in Mommy's car and play 'Oh no you never let go'!" because she knows the CD is in my car and not Josh's.  We both sing the song loudly and when it's over she says, "okay Mom, we can listen to your song now".  So sweet, so funny.

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

I pray that Claire grows up knowing that our God is one who never ever ever lets go of us, even when we experience trouble.  And trouble is something that I have seen far too much of lately.
It started in November when my colleague died just two days before we were both leaving for Asia. 
Then someone I work with became terminally ill.  On top of that, this person is now also dealing with very serious health issues with their child.  I am thankful that this colleague is also a believer and I can talk with him/her (protecting confidentiality, even though they are very open about their terminal illness), about faith, hope, and miracles.  
Josh has a colleague whose parents were visiting from Arizona right before Christmas.  On their drive back to Arizona, they got in a car accident and they both tragically died. 
On December 28th I learned that my dear childhood friend had passed away early that morning. Mikey grew up right next door to me and so many of my childhood memories include him. The last time I spent time with him was in 2001 in Budapest, Hungary, but I loved keeping up with him on Facebook because he was living in California.  I was honored to be able to read scripture at his funeral last weekend. The funeral was awful because he died far too young (just 34 years young).  Each day, I am praying for peace and comfort and hope and rest for his mother, father, sister and three brothers. 
Why so much death? Why so much grief? If you've read my blog for any amount of time, you'll probably know that I don't believe that "everything happens for a reason".  I can't help but cringe when I hear that phrase.  
We live in a fallen world. Our world is not free from gut-wrenching pain.  As Christians, we should not be surprised when we experience heartache or turmoil.  In fact, we should expect it.   Expecting to experience pain doesn't make it much easier but I think that some things can help.  Supportive, encouraging friends. Knowing people are praying for you. Reading, memorizing, reflecting on, sharing God's promises. Knowing that Jesus himself wept when his friend died (John 11:35) and that he truly relates to and understands our pain. Hope that we will be reunited with our loved ones again. 
I'm so thankful that God never lets go.  I'm so thankful that my precious two-year old daughter loves to proclaim that truth over and over again (even though she doesn't grasp what it means yet).  And I'm praying.  I'm praying for the loved ones of all of the people in my life who are experiencing heartache. 
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.John 16:33

Lately

It's been far too long since I lasted posted.  Life has been busy and our home internet hasn't been working.  

Around here lately, Claire has been keeping me on my toes.  Each day she seems to be closer to closer to a three year old (which my brother clarified for me is literally true).  She loves to do projects, sing songs, and play games (primarily, hide and go seek).  Hide and go seek is a RIOT with her.  She says, "Close your eyes! Close your eyes!!" and then she runs to the other room before running back and screaming, "Here I am!!".  It's perfect because we don't have to even move.  She does love it, though, when we play the more traditional way and hide from her. 

Claire rarely calls me "Mommy" anymore.  It's just "Mom" now.  She also calls me, "Hun" or "Honey" often.  She loves to sing songs and will wake up during the night, call for me, and then ask me to sing her a song.  

I babysat Landon last weekend and Claire just loved on him.  She gave him hugs and kisses and brought him toys/stuffed animals when he cried. "It's okay honey, you don't need to cry", she reassured him. 

She's going to be a GREAT helper for her new baby boy cousin, coming in May (Yay, I'm getting another nephew!!!).

Around here, I have not one, but TWO little children who are obsessed with phones.  Seriously, this is a spitting image of how Josh and I often look.  Technology- what a blessing and a curse. 

One of her favorite hiding spots. "Mom!  Take a picture of me hiding in the closet!"

  

Lately, Claire LOVES to wear dresses.  I've always mostly dressed her in pants and tops, except for special occasions when she wears dresses.  But each morning she starts off, "I wanna wear a dress today!!". Even with a brother, a boy cousin (whom she spends her days with), another boy cousin on the way, and a Mommy who isn't a girly-girl herself, Claire has a natural inclination to be girly. 

She's so beautiful. Inside and out. 

 

Lately, my Maxers has learned where his nose and tongue are.  He blows kisses, waves, and says "buh bye".  He might be going through a growth spurt because he has been eating and sleeping a ton.  

My heart has also been heavy with ache and grief lately and I will reflect and write more about that soon. 

Max update (and sibling wrestling)

I had the camera out the other evening to take sweet pictures of Claire and Max hugging. Little did I know I was about to capture their first ever wrestling event.  Claire came out on top this time but Max says...not for long.

He adores her. 

 And then things got violent.

Claire wants to ask Uncle Paco what this move is called. 

Ignore the messy face.  He was about to take a bath (I promise). 

 Claire says.... winning. 

As of the new year, Max is 14 months old.  I feel like he is still so much a baby, but he is truly growing and developing before our eyes. I so enjoyed spending ten straight days with him over the holidays.  It was hard to return to work today, but I was mostly grateful for having had the opportunity to have that quality time.  He and his big sister are my world. 

At 14 months, Max: 

• says seven words!  He says: 
• Mommy (not "mama", but "mommy".  Very interesting. Must be because of how often he hears his sister say it)
• Daddy
• bye
• hi
• up
• puppy
• no   
• signs for "more" and "please".  When he looks at me with his big blue eyes, taps his hand against his chest to signal "more" and says, "mommy....mommy...", I'm pretty sure I'd give him anything he asks for.  Don't tell him that.  
• wears size 12 month and 12-18 month clothing. Wears size 4W (wide) shoes and size four diapers (although we should change to fives soon).
• Naps three times per day....still!  His first nap is at 9AM, second is around noon, and third is around 3:30 or so. He goes to bed between 7:00-7:30PM and sleeps about 12 hours.  The kid likes his sleep.
• He also loves food!  I remember how you had to hide anything you ate around my nephew, Brody, because he'd demand to have some if he saw you eating. Max is the same way!  He doesn't, however, like meat or vegetables.  He will literally take vegetables out of his mouth.  I need to get more creative, I suppose...
• Blows kisses!  It's so adorable! And he waves hi and bye. 
• Continues to adore his big sister and think she is so darn hilarious. 
• is super cuddly.  For the longest time, I couldn't rock him before nap or bedtime due to the sleep plan but now I do; he cuddles in my arms as I rock and sing to him.  He gives the best hugs and kisses too.
• Has just eight teeth still (four on top, four on bottom) 
• LOVES the remote control. And not just any remote control, but specifically the remote control for our fireplace.  He'll settle for other remotes, but prefers to walk around with the fire place remote.  And he goes ape on you when you take it away.
• has started to throw miniature tantrums. The kind where they throw themselves on the floor, without any regard to objects around them that could be harmful.  Cue the thrashing of the body, the whining/crying/screaming, the arching of the back.  
• gives his "CHEESE!!" face when he sees the camera or my phone facing his direction.