January 29th

It’s interesting to think I was pregnant exactly one year ago and am pregnant now. Last January 29th started off normally. I remember the day so vividly. I was wearing a cream and brown skirt with a cream sweater and brown boots. Early in the day I talked with Angela’s sister Suzanne about Angela’s baby shower. We picked the date and started making plans.

I was thinking about class that night (Financial Management) and decided with my friend Margaret to meet up at Chipotle for dinner before our class.

At 3PM I had a meeting on a topic called “10+2 Safe Port Act”. I remember where I was sitting in the room. I was on the far right side of the table. I remember who was sitting next to me.

During the meeting I started having lower back cramps. They felt like the kind of cramps you get with your period. For some reason, I wasn’t that worried about it even though I knew those kinds of cramps were not a good sign.

After the meeting ended I went straight to the bathroom and found that I was bleeding. I immediately started pleading with God by saying, “Please God no, no, no, Please no!!!”. Somehow I pulled myself together and went back to my desk. I immediately emailed some prayer warriors, Cindy and Jessica Marty, and asked them to start praying for us and baby Docken. I then jumped into an enclave and called my doctor. They said someone would return my call in 15 minutes. It was about 4:15PM and I had to meet Margaret in the lobby to walk to Chipotle. Once down there I told her with tears in my eyes that I think I am having a miscarriage and I won’t be going to dinner or class. After that the nurse called me back and gave me instructions for the rest of the night. I was to go home and lie down and go into the office in the morning for testing. At this point I called Josh and told him that he had to come downstairs right now. I remember so clearly the look on his face when he walked up to me and I told him I thought I was miscarrying. I feel fortunate to have had my car at work because I was supposed to be driving to class. Normally we would have to take the bus home and I can’t imagine riding the bus at that point.

As soon as we got into the car, I called my mom and told her the news. She had bible study that evening and said she would tell her bible study girls to pray for us and she would meet us at the house as soon as we got home. I laid in bed for a couple hours crying. Josh tried to hook up a TV in the bedroom so I could watch American Idol. It didn’t work. After awhile I went downstairs and laid on the couch for the rest of the night, still crying.

The next morning I woke up and thought for a moment that it was a bad dream. My mom came over and drove me to the doctor. It was pure torture to sit in the waiting room (while still crying) next to several noticeably pregnant women. Even now when I go in for my doctors appointments I look around the room and wonder if anyone is in there with bad news. I am so much more compassionate to the strangers in the office because of my experience that morning. They took my blood and said they would put a rush on it and call me back with the results by noon.

I went home and Annie came over. Josh went to work for the morning but came home at noon. I remember “watching” 3 movies that day. I got the results around noon and they were what I expected.

That evening I called Sarah. She was very compassionate and told me she would take the next day off and spend it with me. That was so nice of her. She gets very few days off each year and I felt so grateful that she stayed home with me on Thursday (Jan 31st).

It’s so hard to believe that this happened one year ago today. January 29th. That date is etched in my mind along with the details from the day. Now here I am 27 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our precious baby girl. So much has happened during the past year. It’s almost like I can segment the year into the first half and second half. The first half was consumed by infertility treatments and recovery from the miscarriage. We also went to Dominican Republic and Savannah the first half. The second half was consumed by my new pregnancy. The first half dark yet hopeful and the second half so bright and hopeful. I know that the events of last January 29th helped to form me and Josh into who we are today. We grew as a couple and as individuals. The lowest of lows make you appreciate the highs so much more. It’s kind of like how the treacherous Minnesota winters make you cherish the beautiful Minnesota summers.

I remember the events of last January 29th because they are important to me. We miss our baby and we are grateful for him or her. And we trust that God was and will forever remain sovereign.

“You give and take away; you give and take away; my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name”.