Staycation week in review

Well it was wonderful and rejuvenating and good for my soul, and now it's come to an end.  I am incredibly grateful for the past 10 days. I feel refreshed, more organized, and obsessed with my children (I still kiss them hundreds of times a day, even as I'm walking them to time-out. #mixedmessages). I can't help but be sad tonight.

I had a big to-do list for the week and got almost everything crossed off.  I organized my linen closet, pantry, desk, extra bedroom, bathroom drawers, car, and hallway closet, and gave away 16 bags worth of stuff I don't need and in some cases, forgot I even had.

I saw my broham Chris and my niece Bailey 5 out of the 6 weekdays I was off.

This week was a great change of pace for me.  I would never presume that it's easier or more difficult to be a stay at home mother or a working mother because I think it's largely dependent upon each individual's specific circumstances. But I do know that it felt really good to do the laundry, pick up the house, clean, empty the dishwasher, run errands and make dinner while I was home during the day instead of having to cram all of that into the evenings and weekends.

Here's our week in review (if you follow me on IG, you've seen some of these pictures but not all of them!):

MONDAY

We have cleaning people come once per month and they arrived two hours earlier than I expected.  Thankfully my brother was around so we stopped at his house so I could put on my make-up, eat breakfast, and see my niece before we headed to the Minnesota. Zoo (oh and both Claire and I fell on the ice, which was fun too!)


We went to the zoo and met up with my best childhood friend Katie and her son Parker.  I think it was the busiest I have EVER seen the Zoo.  It was also sandbox weekend so we got cute buckets.  Fortunately, my kids wanted to get nowhere near the mass of children crammed into the massive sandbox, just as I expected!


We couldn't find an open table to eat our lunches so we went to Cul.vers instead.  Love any time I get to spend with Katie!!


He walks around with his hands in his coat pockets and it slays me.


After naps we made banana bread for the guests we were expecting the next day.


That evening I went out for drinks and dinner with Krista, Jody, Rachel and Melissa.  Love these girls!


TUESDAY 

On Tuesday morning Cindy, Jessica, James, Jude, Amy, Jane, my brother Chris and Bailey came over.  Cindy is my Godmother (and the Mom of the family I visited three times in Ukraine) and I have been friends with Jessica (Cindy's daughter) and Amy since I was four years old (well, Jessica since I was five because she is five years younger than me!).  We had a wonderful time catching up.  Cindy and her husband Paul will be spending the month of March in Moldova.  They will be there on behalf of HOPE International but Cindy is also feeling called to work on the cause of human trafficking, which is an enormous issue in Moldova.




That evening, Everleigh joined Claire at her gymnastics class because it was 'bring a friend' week! Those two are the sweetest together!


WEDNESDAY

We met my dad, Chris and Bailey for lunch on Wednesday.


That evening I made a full turkey and potatoes meal for my mom and Brad.  It was delicious.


The kids had a ton of fun playing "duck duck grey duck" and "I spy" with Nana and Grandpa Brad.  When they were leaving, Max looked up sweetly and said, "I love you Grandpa Brad".  All on his own initiative!  It was one of the most precious things ever.


THURSDAY

On Thursday we met my mom, Chris, and Bailey for lunch at Old Chicago (my mom was working from home that day).  The kids were so well-behaved that it was actually a relaxing meal!


Max is left-handed, which I find interesting.


After naps, we finger-painted and colored.

Look at that sweet tongue.


FRIDAY

We braved the snowy roads Friday morning to drive Daddy to his bus stop, so that he could take the train to the Mall of America to meet up with us after work.  A couple hours later, we braved the roads again to go to Melissa's house for a playdate with Carson and Kate.  Carson and Claire are only days apart but he's probably a foot taller!


After naps, the kids and I went to the Mall of America.  Is it sad that my two year old knows the names of different malls?  "Are we going to Burnsville Center or Mall of America, Mommy?", he asked me.


It just so happened that the Farmer family (Brad's daughter) arrived an hour later, to celebrate Cambrie's third birthday!!  Claire is very afraid of even walking into the amusement park in the mall because it's too loud and overwhelming.  Before that day, she wouldn't have even thought about going on the rides, but she mustered up a lot of courage and joined Cambrie on FOUR different rides!  I was so proud of her.

Here is Shayla and I with Cambrie and Claire.


Max wanted to join too and we all enjoyed the balloon ride.


On Sunday, Nana and Grandpa Brad babysat the children while Josh and I went to a class at church.  Then, they blessed us with her delicious lasagna.


MONDAY

Today was my last day. We had a good morning at home, playing, folding laundry, cleaning up, and playing some more, and then we met Chris, Bailey, and my Mom at Chipotle for lunch (my mom was working from home again and this is Chris' last week of full-time Daddy Daycare).

While we took this picture, Claire was saying "you can't take it yet, there's food in my mouth!  I have to chew it first!"  Haha, she's so polite.
.

After naps, we went to Sara's house to have a playdate with her, Rachael and Allison.  It turned into a happy hour!  So much fun.  The kids LOVE Sara's house because the kids are wonderful and their basement is like an amusement park, with an actual blow-up jumpy house, 15-foot or so long roller-coaster type thing, trampoline, etc.



I'd like to do another full week off sometime this summer, perhaps in August.  I love the extended time with my children.  It was blissful.

Staycation week!

Yay, I have the next 6 working days off (this week and next Monday)!  I am slightly envious of my MIL who is in Florida and my SILs who are going to Arizona this week, but I'm thrilled about staying home with the kids.  We have a few playdates planned, some house projects on the to-do list, and a few new meals on the menu.  Cannot wait.

This is our annual Valentine's Day self-portrait for this year.  I didn't get home until 6:15PM that evening.  Josh and the kids had picked up Jimmy.Johns for dinner, flowers for me, and a movie to watch later (which I returned, because we don't typically watch movies twice and I can't justify spending $20 on a movie we'll watch once.  Even on Valentine's Day.  So we watched American Idol instead :)).  So simple, thoughtful and perfect- it was "us".


When I put Claire to bed, she sweetly said, "Happy Valentine's Day Mommy! I love you SO much! You are the best Mommy in the world!".

This is our self-portrait from Valentine's Day 2011.   When the kids are older, I hope they'll look back and see the love in our family through these pictures. 


Last night we got to spend time with our dear friends and meet 4 day old Cameron Andrew.

I wanted to take his sleeper off to take nakie pictures of him but his Mama Bear worried he'd be too cold. :)



He looks just like his older brother, Landon.  It was so fun to eat pizza and watch the kids play.



Have a great week!

Failing, and yet, still thriving

I never thought it would be easy.  Being a good wife, mother, employee, friend, and homemaker, that is.  Most days, I feel like I'm failing in at least one category and being average at best in the others.

I whole-heartedly believe that the most important relationship in my life is the one with my spouse.  My relationship with him should be put above the children, my home, my job, everything.  But it's not easy when I have a demanding job with a long commute, two young children, and a home to up-keep.  In fact, sometimes it feels like he's put last.

Then there's the job. After 3 1/2 years of being a working mother, I still don't feel like I have even adjusted.  How is that possible?  I haven't known motherhood without working.  Recently an acquaintance connected me with an expectant mother at Target.  She met to talk about leadership development, career goals, leadership as a woman, etc.  And instead, I talked with her about the baby she was about to birth, how miraculous and amazing the birth experience is, how I don't even know her but yet I am so excited for her to experience this joy.  We talked about how difficult it is to come back to work and how that's perfectly okay.  And it's perfectly okay if it's not overly difficult either, because while you adore your child and your role as a mother, being a Christ-follower in the workplace and growing where God has planted you, can be God's will for you too.  Despite having just met, we forged an instant connection.  As mothers (or soon-to-be).

Then, there is my role as a mother.  I love my children with a ferocity and depth that I didn't know was possible four years ago.  They are my joy, my smile, my heart.  But when my two year-old cries for me at the door with his arms out-stretched, pleading, "don't go to work, Mommy, ANY MORE!" or when my three year old bawls while chanting, "I love you, I  love you, I love you, I love you" as I'm heading out the door for work, and I kneel down, embrace her in a bear hug and say, "I love you as much as ALL the stars in the sky" and she responds, "I love you just like that too", my heart breaks a little (or a lot).  But then I know that they absolutely love spending the days with their loving Grandma, each other, and three of their little cousins, playing, doing projects, learning, forming life-long bonds with some of the people that will turn out to be the most important people in their lives and I think, wow, they are SO lucky.  But then I think that ideally they would spend the day with me instead.

Then I try to be a good homemaker.  Make good, healthy meals for my family, after working nine hours and commuting an additional two (or more).  Keep my house clean and tidy, despite having two toddlers, a gazillion toys, and daycare at my house three days a week.  Document memories in my photobooks, keep up with the laundry, pay the bills, make and attend the doctor appointments, the list goes on and on.  And I feel like I'm barely hanging on.  Like it's a house of cards.

THEN there's my friendships.  My friendships are critically important to me.  With life as busy as it is, I have to make intentional investments in my friendships.  That means leaving my children and husband, after I have already been gone all day long, to have dinner and a glass of wine with my friends.  It makes me more.... me.  It's not only an investment in life-giving friendships, but it's an investment in my own wholeness.  It's finding (making) time to maintain these relationships that I adore- whether it's catching up with a friend while working out on the elliptical at the nearby fitness center, or talking during my drive home, or sending an email to let them know that I'm thinking about them and oh-my-gosh-aren't-you-glad-Tierra-is-FINALLY-gone?!  When Claire is desperate for more time with me, it is truly very hard to leave her to spend time with a friend, but I know that doing so is so important for me and makes me a better mother for her.  And as she grows older, it will teach her the value these friendships with other women have in our lives.

There are other roles I play.  Daughter, sister, servant for God.  It's an understatement to say it's not easy to juggle it all.  But here are some truths that I know:

1. I am not a perfect mother (far from it), but I am a perfect mother for them.  If there is one thing that Claire and Max know, at the tender age of 2 and 3, it is that they are deeply, wholly, unconditionally loved by me.  And that makes me know that I'm not failing. 

2. I am not a perfect wife.  I should be more patient, understanding, hold less expectations of how this should be.  But I love my husband and am committed to doing this life thing with him for our eternity. I value our relationship and understand the importance of continually making investments in it.  And I know that I'm not failing.  

3. I am not a perfect employee. Sometimes I spend more time at work staring at pictures of my children on my phone than I should. But I am good at my job, I find it fulfilling, and I believe this is exactly where God wants me right now.  And then I feel like I'm not failing.  

4. My home could be cleaner.  My closets could be less overflowing.  I could feed my children one less meal of mac and cheese each week.  I could display a little less stress.  But my family is still fed, clothed, healthy, and loved.  And I feel like I'm not failing.  

5. Instead of just thinking about and praying for my friends, I could call them or send them a letter or email more often telling them so.  I could offer more encouragement and spend more time just listening.   But I keep trying and I keep investing.  And I feel like I'm not failing. 

Sometimes we just need to place less expectations on ourselves, ladies.  If I was ONLY a wife, or ONLY an employee, I would probably have it mastered.

But none of us, not a single one of us, are only ONE thing.

And with all of the layers of our lives, we cannot have a single role mastered, let alone all of them.  Sometimes, good enough is good enough. Heck, sometimes good enough is AMAZING and a huge achievement.  Let's be less hard on ourselves and just keep trying our best.  Let's be the world's okayest Mom, or employee, or homemaker.





That was a super long post and I don't know if anyone had the patience or interest in making it all the way through.  I just felt led tonight to share these heartfelt thoughts.

And now, pictures of those precious children of mine.

January

I was not a big fan of January.  Two days after my last post declaring my gratitude for finally being healthy, we were back to children vomiting and 104 degree fevers. Along with a husband that got sick and essentially didn't leave the bedroom for two days.  Thankfully, we seemed to finally be healthy, for real this time, a day before my and Josh's weekend at Grandview Lodge. Thank you, Jesus!

We had an awesome time.  Our condo was gorgeous, cozy, romantic.  The Lodge is beautiful as well.  We had great, long, meaningful conversations and enjoyed finally sleeping through the night.

This past Tuesday, January 29th marked five years since one of the darkest days of my life.  Five years....it seems so long and yet the residual sting of the pain is still near.  Not only was my actual miscarriage deeply traumatic for me, but the eight long months after the miscarriage, with multiple rounds of fertility treatments and no pregnancy, were some of the most character-building and soul-searching days of my life.  Everything was in our favor, and yet no baby was forming.  I clung to many truths during that time, including this one:

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we 

also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, 

perseverance, character, and character, hope.

                                                               Romans 5:2-4


And then this girl was conceived.  And my heart was stricken with fear.  Prayers for her safety and continued growth were like breathing to me.  She's everything I needed.  She is my heart and soul and worth every second of the wait.

Nine months after her birth, this boy was conceived.  He formed in secret for almost twelve weeks before we learned of his blessed existence.  Nothing was in our favor this time.  There's really no reason he should have been conceived, and yet he was.  We didn't know we needed him.  If you've read this blog for awhile, you probably know that I strongly oppose the commonly held belief that "everything happens for a reason".  

But I do believe this:

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 and this:

When times are good, be happy;

    but when times are bad, consider this:God has made the one as well as the other.Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14

There's a distinction. 

I have not a shadow of a doubt that God has had his hand in the building of my family.  I am so thankful for the darkness, the hope, the surprises, the joy, the miracles, for I know that in the end, they were all perfect.  He is so good, so good to me.