January

I was not a big fan of January.  Two days after my last post declaring my gratitude for finally being healthy, we were back to children vomiting and 104 degree fevers. Along with a husband that got sick and essentially didn't leave the bedroom for two days.  Thankfully, we seemed to finally be healthy, for real this time, a day before my and Josh's weekend at Grandview Lodge. Thank you, Jesus!

We had an awesome time.  Our condo was gorgeous, cozy, romantic.  The Lodge is beautiful as well.  We had great, long, meaningful conversations and enjoyed finally sleeping through the night.

This past Tuesday, January 29th marked five years since one of the darkest days of my life.  Five years....it seems so long and yet the residual sting of the pain is still near.  Not only was my actual miscarriage deeply traumatic for me, but the eight long months after the miscarriage, with multiple rounds of fertility treatments and no pregnancy, were some of the most character-building and soul-searching days of my life.  Everything was in our favor, and yet no baby was forming.  I clung to many truths during that time, including this one:

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we 

also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, 

perseverance, character, and character, hope.

                                                               Romans 5:2-4


And then this girl was conceived.  And my heart was stricken with fear.  Prayers for her safety and continued growth were like breathing to me.  She's everything I needed.  She is my heart and soul and worth every second of the wait.

Nine months after her birth, this boy was conceived.  He formed in secret for almost twelve weeks before we learned of his blessed existence.  Nothing was in our favor this time.  There's really no reason he should have been conceived, and yet he was.  We didn't know we needed him.  If you've read this blog for awhile, you probably know that I strongly oppose the commonly held belief that "everything happens for a reason".  

But I do believe this:

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 and this:

When times are good, be happy;

    but when times are bad, consider this:God has made the one as well as the other.Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14

There's a distinction. 

I have not a shadow of a doubt that God has had his hand in the building of my family.  I am so thankful for the darkness, the hope, the surprises, the joy, the miracles, for I know that in the end, they were all perfect.  He is so good, so good to me.