Chasing the Kingdom

These thoughts have been stirring in my mind for weeks and I've been meaning to try to put them 'on paper'. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around it, much less type it out, but I'll give it a shot.

I feel that God is stirring my heart. Daily I ponder the meaning of life, the meaning of my life, the purpose of Christians. I get trapped in the mundane-ness of life. Get up, get ready for work, drive to work, work, come home, make dinner, stuff with Claire, watch TV, go to bed, and repeat the next day. It hit me strongly a few weeks ago as I pulled into the Target parking lot on a beautiful Saturday for grocery shopping. I just sat there and thought, there HAS to be more to life than this.....

I have a heart for the poor, the oppressed, the hurting in body, mind, and spirit. How many children choose to travel to Ukraine 3 times before they are 20 years old? I know that my life isn't about me. The last thing I want is to live for myself, although it's far too easy for me to fall into that trap. Realizing that my life is not about me, I used to think that my life was about others. This was my perspective for years. Oh, how us Americans need that daily reminder! My mindset has changed in the last few months, however. I realize now that it's not about others at all. If I believe it's not about me, then truly, why would I think it's about you, necessarily? No, I have come to realize that I think it's about God. Everything on this Earth, and not on this Earth, is about Him. He created it all; He owns it all; it's all His. When I focus my mind, my efforts, my time, talent, and treasure on HIM, then I can start to see through His eyes. And when I have His vision, I see that it is, in fact, about others. But it's about others only because He created everyone in His image and loves us with a passion we cannot begin to understand.

Here is an excerpt from a book I just finished called "The Poor Will Be Glad", which is focused on microfinance:

There are people who literally struggle to survive every day of their lives. The extent of this global poverty is staggering. As of July 2007, there were approximately 6.6 billion people living on earth. Approximately four billion live on less than $4 per day, nearly all of whom live in developing countries. Their incomes are distributed in the following way:

• One billion live on less than $1 per day.
• Two billion live on $1 to $2 per day.
• One billion live on $2 to $4 per day.

The wealthy, and that includes everyone reading this book, lead lives that many of the four billion people living on less than $4 per day consider an unreachable dream.

Ruth Callanta, founder of the Center for Community Transformation in the Phillipines, wondered, "Why do we live in a place that has so much and yet there are so many poor? Are there not enough fish in the sea? Does the earth not have the capacity to provide sufficient food? This cannot be what God has planned for His creation. Something is definitely wrong".

Something certainly IS wrong. But the answer isn't to give up or to ignore the 61% of fellow humans who are struggling to survive every single day. Ignorance may be bliss, but my eyes have been opened, and God will not quit stirring my heart.

Josh and I recently joined the regional board of advisors for HOPE International. HOPE has been a part of my life since I was 16 (my dear friends, the Marty's, whom I visited in Ukraine, were there with HOPE. Also, Josh and I traveled to the Dominican Republic with HOPE two years ago). I had a meeting a few weeks ago with Quenton Marty, a HOPE staff member here in MN, and Tim Hatt, the Kingdom Expansion Pastor for Hosanna! Lutheran church. I was captivated by the conversation between Tim and Quenton and listened for the most part. At the end Tim spoke a prayer that has resonated with me ever since. During part of his prayer, he acknowledged me specifically. He thanked God for me and for my passion for HOPE and the poor. He said, "Whitney is chasing the Kingdom, but she may find that the Kingdom is really chasing her".

Wow. Pastor Tim doesn't know me; he only knows I am involved with HOPE, work at Target, have an MBA, and attend Hosanna. Yet, he hit the nail on the head. This whole time I thought I was chasing God, when really the Kingdom has actually been chasing me. I have reflected on this for so many hours in the past weeks.

I am a good person, I am dedicated to raising my children to know and love the Lord, I give my money and time to God (it's all His anyways, right?), and I pray for others.

Yet, I am so fearful that when I die and stand before God on my judgement day, He will say,

My dear child. You have done well. But I had so much more in store for you. So much more planned for you that you could have done for my Kingdom.

But WHAT is it, Lord? I want to scream YES! I want to go! I want to drop everything, fully surrender to you, live in perfect alignment with Your will for my life! But I am struggling to know what that is!!

We have one life. We are here for a blink of an eye. I cannot ignore that God is continually tapping on my heart, continually opening my eyes to the hurting in the world. I long to live like a stranger in this world. As Christians, this world is not our home. This world is not how God intended us to live. I want to be IN the world, but not OF the world, but oh! how hard is that to accomplish on a daily basis!

So this has been one long run-on mess of the thoughts in my head. I am not a very private person; I pour my heart out on the Internet and with my friends and family. If I appear conflicted, it's because I am. I want to do more and be more. I'm just praying that God reveals to me what that is.