Oh the tantrums...

 You gotta love the tantrums...

Claire's worst times of day are after her nap (which is hit or miss; more often than not she's happy when she gets up, but if she's not, then watch out!) and between 5:00-5:30 PM.

 Yup, right about the time I get home from work, nurse Max, and make dinner, she's often pulling on my leg crying "hold you Mommy!" or throwing herself on the floor. 

We try to distract her and if that doesn't work, we let her do her thing and ignore her.  After dinner she's always a completely different girl.  It's hard to know how to handle the tantrums but for now we're going with the distract slash ignore tactic.  Can't wait to see what the 2's hold for her!

And a pic of my baby boy, because he's just so scrumptious.

The Things She Says

I love this age, even with all of the tantrums and independence-seeking that come with it.  Claire keeps us laughing every day with the new things she says.  Here are some of the new ones:

When she wants to be held (which is like all the time), she will walk up to you with her arms lifted high and say, "Hold you, hold you!".

She can't hear the word "happy" without saying "birthday".  Yesterday I said, "Max is a happy boy!" and she said, "Happy Birthday!". 

Claire has said, "Uh oh" for awhile now but her new thing is "Uh oh spaghetti-o!".  Omi must have taught her that one.

She doesn't like loose strands of hair, or fuzz between her toes, or lint on her brother's shirt, or anything that appears to be out of place. When she sees it, she says, "Icky gross! Icky gross!". I hear "icky gross!" a hundred times a day.

Claire says, "Good MORNING Max!" to her little brother a hundred times a day too!  I LOVE seeing them interact!

Baby Shower

Last Sunday I had the pleasure of throwing a baby shower for my dear friend Laurie.  You can tell she and Andrew have been integrated into my family because of the 14 attendees, 4 were from my family (Mom, Annie, Becky, Shayla). :)  Laurie is from Indiana so most of her family and friends are out of town.

I made S'mores truffles and Cookie dough truffles.  They were SO GOOD!!  I'm thinking of making them again for Claire's birthday party.

I also made cupcakes and decorated them with little toppers from Etsy.  We didn't love the peanut butter frosting so next time I'd go with chocolate.  

I can't wait for baby Landon to be born!!  

Sleep Log

I started a sleep log in case the doctor we may work with at the Sleep Institute in a St. Louis, MO hospital needs it.   Here's a snapshot of one night in our lives.

7:00PM- Nursed Max and held him in the rocking chair because I fell asleep.  He slept like a champ.
8:00- I wake up with a wicked crink in my neck and put Max in his crib.
8:05- Max is up... we put him back to sleep (Josh and I alternate)
8:09- Max is up..  put him back to sleep
8:21- Max is up again.  Give him gripe water and get him back to sleep.  (You can see it's easy to get him to sleep... it's just that he doesn't STAY asleep once he's put down).
8:28-8:42- up again.  Eventually get him back to sleep.
8:45- Up again.  Fell back asleep by 8:48 and I held him until 8:58.
9:02- Up again.  We decide to let him cry awhile. 
9:12-9:28-  Josh states that it's hurting his heart too much to hear him cry for us and I agree, so I went up to get him.   Gave him gas drops and rocked him back to sleep. 
He FINALLY stays sleeping longer than 10 minutes so we go to bed.
10:20-10:35- Up again.  Change his diaper and feed him.
1:33-1:58- Feed and diaper change
4:48- Feed and diaper change.
5:26- Up and rocked back to sleep
6:14- Up for the day

He actually had two 3 hour chunks of sleep, so although his evening was horrible, the night was better than usual.  Those chunks of sleep feel SO good.   

We've tried the carseat and the swing at night...no dice on either.  I don't think he's in pain when on his back because he plays and sleeps on his back during the day without any problem. 

My DVR is building up since we don't usually get to watch any TV in the evenings! 

A slew of pictures

Look at that crazy hair!  It can't be tamed!  Max is a lucky boy- he received Sophie the Giraffe!  

A fun afternoon at Pahl's Market planting a flower basket.  

Claire's first manicure!  She was so patient and excited. 

Max enjoys joining us at the table during dinner.  He won't fit in the bumbo much longer! 

Sweetie Pete 

My little monster

The best part of having a cold... 

is being able to use kleenex... 

lots and lots of kleenex...  and wipe your own nose!

Gwoss!!

Are we born with a natural understanding that finding hair in your food is gross??

The other night at dinner, Claire found a piece of hair on her highchair tray.  

She picked it up with a disgusted look on her face and said, "Gwoss!! ....  Off!! ....  Gwoss!!".

Yes, you're right sweetie, that is gwoss!  But how did you know?! 

I Can Only Imagine

Annie asked for the addresses to the blogs I posted yesterday.  Annie, if you scroll down, you'll find links to the blogs on the right hand side under the "About Us" section.

I forgot to share another blog that I love. It's written by Molly Piper, the daugther-in-law of John Piper, who is a well-known Pastor, speaker, and author.  Molly is the mother of 5 children.  Her second baby, a little girl, was born stillborn at full-term.  I read a post of hers last week titled, "When you want to say, 'I can't imagine', just try". 

She wrote:

When we say to grieving people, “Oh, I can’t imagine” we might be saying “I don’t want to imagine.”

Real love gets into the trenches of grief and suffering. It imagines. It lets it’s mind’s eye linger. Real love will not avert its eyes. It won’t say, “Your disaster is too much for me.”

Molly says that the alternative is to say, "I can only imagine". 

So, tonight I am imagining.

As I was driving home from work today, my brother called.  He said that Ben and Jen lost their baby today.  Ben is his best friend, and someone I have known most of my life.  Their baby girl is due April 2nd, just three short weeks from now.  It was their first child and they, along with their families, were bursting with excitement and anticipation. 




December 2009 in Florida.  Jen is on the bottom right, in the scarf. Ben is the tall dude on the right.


Tonight my heart is breaking for them. I cannot stop thinking about Jen, Ben, and their family.

I remember what it was like to wait in anticipation for your first born.  For March to come and be able to say that our baby girl is coming next month! 

I remember the weather turning from winter to spring and knowing that it meant the time was coming. I  remember taking long walks in the brisk air, hoping it would make her come sooner. 

I remember beginning the weekly doctor appointments.  Wondering if today would be the day.

I remember feeling less movement than usual and shaking my belly while saying, "C'mon, Claire!  Wake up and kick for Mommy!".  I remember the relief when I would feel the first movement after she had been still. 

But now I can only imagine.

I can only imagine shaking my belly and urging her to kick, only to continue to feel stillness. 

I can only imagine going to my doctor appointment and hearing that she is gone.

I can only imagine being induced and going through labor and delivery, knowing that I wouldn't hear my baby cry when she was born.

I can only imagine my milk coming in.....and not having a baby to nourish.

I can only imagine my daughter being placed in a casket...rather than in her crib.

I can only imagine going home with an empty womb and empty arms. 

As I was crying tonight through dinner (Claire kept saying, "Cry....  sad...  cry.... mama..."), I realized three things:

1. Jesus knew

2. Jesus was there

3. Jesus could have written a different ending

Jesus knew.....

When Jen took her pregnancy test and squelled in excitement, Jesus knew that she would never lock eyes with her daughter.  When Jen and Ben found out it was a girl and they dreamed about their life with a little girl, Jesus knew that they would never hear her soft voice. All of her days had already been written. 

Jesus was there...

Just last Saturday when Jen had a baby shower at her mom's house, Jesus was there. When they talked about what she would look like, what day she would come (it could be any day!  She was due in just 3 weeks!), how her delivery would go, Jesus was there.  He saw. 

Jesus could have changed the outcome...

Their daughter didn't have to die.  Jesus knew about the passionate love they already contained for their daughter....he was there through every milestone in the pregnancy.... he could have allowed her to be born strong and healthy.

And yet he didn't.   We're left questioning why. 

Why, Lord?!?!  Why did she have to die??

All I know how to do is pray.  They will be delivering her this weekend.  I am praying for strength during labor and delivery, for clarity while they spend time with her after birth, as it will be the only time they ever get.  I am praying for their marriage, for it to withstand this tragedy.  I am praying, above else, for Jen and Ben, and their families, to draw on Jesus and cling to Him.  I don't know how else they will survive. 

If you could, please join me in praying for Jen, Ben, and their precious baby girl.  Join me in imagining. 

Her name is Kylie Elaine. 

Introducing my Blog Roll!

Check out the new feature on my blog... it's a list of my favorite blogs! 

Here's a little intro on each of the blogs:

• The Macs:  I don't actually know Jess but thoroughly enjoy reading her blog.  It is inspiring, convicting, encouraging.  Her baby girl, Cora Paige, would have turned 3 years old last week had she not died from cancer when she was 11 months old.  Jess radiates the love of Jesus. 
• Modern Chemistry: This is the blog of my dear childhood friend Amy Hanson (now Van Zee).  She is super crafty and awesome at taking pictures!  Her goal this year is to take a picture (almost) daily of the small things around us that make life beautiful.
• The Laack's: My dear friend Angela writes this blog.  She lives in Iowa and with a busy life full of work, a husband and two little ones, I don't get to see her nearly as often as I'd like, so reading her blog helps me keep up with her wonderful life!
• Our Journey of Love: I don't have the pleasure of knowing Adrienne "in real life" but I feel like I've gotten to know her well through her blog.  After suffering through infertility and 7 (!!!) miscarriages, she has three adopted children (Russia, Korea, and domestic) and one baby boy who was born on my and Josh's anniversary at 26 weeks.  She, too, is a strong woman of faith and I am blessed by following her story.
• Girl with Blog: This is written by my high school friend, Anna.  Anna and I were in colorguard together and were roommates at Band Camp. :)  I like her sweet, unassuming writing. 
• Bring The Rain:  Angie is another "stranger" that I feel like I know.  She is the wife of Todd Smith, who is in the Christian group Selah.  She has five daughters, one of whom she lost minutes after birth.  She is just an amazingly beautiful writer and I am truly captivated by each post.  I have grown closer to Jesus by reading her blog. She is coming to Mpls to speak in October and I would so love to go!
• Omi Annie: This is by Annie, aka mom-in-law, aka daycare provider, aka super grandma!!   We are SO blessed to have her love on our babies while we're at work.  The blog always contains adorable pictures of Claire, Max and my nephew Brody.
• Heart Cries: Another stranger.  Rebekah adopted a baby boy after suffering through infertility. She, too, is a beautiful writer and a woman who passionately loves her Savior.  I am always moved by her blog. 
• Mieska: This blog is authored by my Aunt-in-Law Sue and it contains stories, pictures, and updates of the extended Mieska clan.
• The Life of the Marty Party: Written by Bethany Marty, super mom of 3 (almost 4!) kiddos.  Her husband, Quenton, was my neighbor growing up and a member of my adopted family.  It's fun to keep up with their life!  I am inspired by Q and B's marriage and could only hope that Josh and I are that in love ten years from now!
• Rach and Josh:  Rachel needs to update her blog more often (smile) but I always enjoy it when she does write a post!  She's the Mama of Claire's BFF Kiera.  I am so excited for her to add to her family late this summer!

So there you have it, folks.  Enjoy!! 

Philosophies

I know what you're thinking.  This lady is blogging about sleep again!   Yes, yes I am.  I promise I'll throw some other subjects in once in awhile too, but right now sleep is sort of the hot topic in our lives.

After my last post when I was so hopeful, Max had another terrible night and soon found himself swaddled up again.  Last night was the best night we have had in quite awhile and he was still up 9 times.  It was 5 times between 7:30-9:30PM (when we went to bed), and then 1:30, 2:30, 5:00 and 5:30.  I actually woke up feeling refreshed today!  

I came across this quote on a parenting forum I frequent a few days ago.  

"Don't stand unmoving outside the door of a crying baby whose only desire is to touch you.  Go to your baby. Go to your baby a million times. Demonstrate that people can be trusted, that the environment can be trusted, that we live in a benign universe."  Peggy O'Mara, Editor, Mothering magazine

That's where my heart is right now.  Hearing my Pediatrician suggest we put Max in the basement at night so that we and Claire can't hear his crying went against all of my mothering instincts.  We did sleep train with Claire and I think there is certainly a time and a place for that.  But my gut tells me now is not the time with Max.  He's still learning attachment and trust and I want him to know that he can count on us to be there for him.  

Insanity

Last night during one of my many nursing sessions with Max, the definition of insanity popped into my mind.

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

What he doesn't do at night. 

Max's sleep has gone from bad to worse and I realized that continuing the same routine and methods was not going to work.  Last Thursday night he was up so many times (like, a dozen) that I had to take an unexpected vacation day on Friday and have Annie watch the kids so I could sleep.  In the past week, he's been getting up between 5-8 times a night.  So today was the day that we were going to turn this ship around!!

I'm so cute Mom!  How can you be frustrated with me?! 

After church (Josh didn't go because he and Sean were working on the basement.  It's the last time for awhile that I brave church with both kids by myself!) the kids and I went to Babies r Us and we bought new super soft sheets for Max's crib (thanks Parks for the suggestion!), and a noise machine.  Later today I went to Target and bought a different brand of pacifier (thanks for the suggestion Rachel!).  As I type this, Max is in his CRIB (for the first time ever), UNSWADDLED, listening to a fake sound of Mommy's womb, and SLEEPING!  Oh I pray (really, I do, like 50 times a day about this) that this new combo will make him sleep tonight!  Mama's gotta get her beauty sleep!

Max at 4 Months

We love you little boy!

At 4 months, Max:

• Weighs 15 pounds (50%), is 23 1/2 inches long (5-10%) and his head is in the 75th percentile. "All over the board", as his Pedi said.  Still short and chubby!  Love those delicious baby rolls!
• Coos all the time, and very loudly! It's the sweetest sound. 
• Adores his big sister.  Even with Max being only 4 months old, I am already loving the interaction and relationship between Claire and Max.  They smile and talk/coo and laugh at each other.  Max enjoys watching Brody and Claire play all day. 
• Has rolled over from tummy to back a handful of times.  His first time was on Saturday, February 19th.  Mommy was the only one who witnessed it.  When he's laying on his back, he squirms and scoots all around.  He plants his feet into the floor and arches his bottom and back high in the air. 
• Is a little bugger at night.  He needs all kinds of soothers to sleep- like Mama, nursing, pacifier, swaddle.  Today his Pedi suggested we try the CIO (cry it out) method if we're ready. I'm not ready yet, by any means.  He's still my new little baby!  He sleeps from about  7:00-6:30, with waking 3-5 times.  He takes about 3 cat naps during the day. 
• Wears size 3-6 month and 6 month clothes.
• Drinks three 4.5 ounce bottles while I'm at work and nurses an additional 4-5 times per day.