Staycation week!

Yay, I have the next 6 working days off (this week and next Monday)!  I am slightly envious of my MIL who is in Florida and my SILs who are going to Arizona this week, but I'm thrilled about staying home with the kids.  We have a few playdates planned, some house projects on the to-do list, and a few new meals on the menu.  Cannot wait.

This is our annual Valentine's Day self-portrait for this year.  I didn't get home until 6:15PM that evening.  Josh and the kids had picked up Jimmy.Johns for dinner, flowers for me, and a movie to watch later (which I returned, because we don't typically watch movies twice and I can't justify spending $20 on a movie we'll watch once.  Even on Valentine's Day.  So we watched American Idol instead :)).  So simple, thoughtful and perfect- it was "us".


When I put Claire to bed, she sweetly said, "Happy Valentine's Day Mommy! I love you SO much! You are the best Mommy in the world!".

This is our self-portrait from Valentine's Day 2011.   When the kids are older, I hope they'll look back and see the love in our family through these pictures. 


Last night we got to spend time with our dear friends and meet 4 day old Cameron Andrew.

I wanted to take his sleeper off to take nakie pictures of him but his Mama Bear worried he'd be too cold. :)



He looks just like his older brother, Landon.  It was so fun to eat pizza and watch the kids play.



Have a great week!

Failing, and yet, still thriving

I never thought it would be easy.  Being a good wife, mother, employee, friend, and homemaker, that is.  Most days, I feel like I'm failing in at least one category and being average at best in the others.

I whole-heartedly believe that the most important relationship in my life is the one with my spouse.  My relationship with him should be put above the children, my home, my job, everything.  But it's not easy when I have a demanding job with a long commute, two young children, and a home to up-keep.  In fact, sometimes it feels like he's put last.

Then there's the job. After 3 1/2 years of being a working mother, I still don't feel like I have even adjusted.  How is that possible?  I haven't known motherhood without working.  Recently an acquaintance connected me with an expectant mother at Target.  She met to talk about leadership development, career goals, leadership as a woman, etc.  And instead, I talked with her about the baby she was about to birth, how miraculous and amazing the birth experience is, how I don't even know her but yet I am so excited for her to experience this joy.  We talked about how difficult it is to come back to work and how that's perfectly okay.  And it's perfectly okay if it's not overly difficult either, because while you adore your child and your role as a mother, being a Christ-follower in the workplace and growing where God has planted you, can be God's will for you too.  Despite having just met, we forged an instant connection.  As mothers (or soon-to-be).

Then, there is my role as a mother.  I love my children with a ferocity and depth that I didn't know was possible four years ago.  They are my joy, my smile, my heart.  But when my two year-old cries for me at the door with his arms out-stretched, pleading, "don't go to work, Mommy, ANY MORE!" or when my three year old bawls while chanting, "I love you, I  love you, I love you, I love you" as I'm heading out the door for work, and I kneel down, embrace her in a bear hug and say, "I love you as much as ALL the stars in the sky" and she responds, "I love you just like that too", my heart breaks a little (or a lot).  But then I know that they absolutely love spending the days with their loving Grandma, each other, and three of their little cousins, playing, doing projects, learning, forming life-long bonds with some of the people that will turn out to be the most important people in their lives and I think, wow, they are SO lucky.  But then I think that ideally they would spend the day with me instead.

Then I try to be a good homemaker.  Make good, healthy meals for my family, after working nine hours and commuting an additional two (or more).  Keep my house clean and tidy, despite having two toddlers, a gazillion toys, and daycare at my house three days a week.  Document memories in my photobooks, keep up with the laundry, pay the bills, make and attend the doctor appointments, the list goes on and on.  And I feel like I'm barely hanging on.  Like it's a house of cards.

THEN there's my friendships.  My friendships are critically important to me.  With life as busy as it is, I have to make intentional investments in my friendships.  That means leaving my children and husband, after I have already been gone all day long, to have dinner and a glass of wine with my friends.  It makes me more.... me.  It's not only an investment in life-giving friendships, but it's an investment in my own wholeness.  It's finding (making) time to maintain these relationships that I adore- whether it's catching up with a friend while working out on the elliptical at the nearby fitness center, or talking during my drive home, or sending an email to let them know that I'm thinking about them and oh-my-gosh-aren't-you-glad-Tierra-is-FINALLY-gone?!  When Claire is desperate for more time with me, it is truly very hard to leave her to spend time with a friend, but I know that doing so is so important for me and makes me a better mother for her.  And as she grows older, it will teach her the value these friendships with other women have in our lives.

There are other roles I play.  Daughter, sister, servant for God.  It's an understatement to say it's not easy to juggle it all.  But here are some truths that I know:

1. I am not a perfect mother (far from it), but I am a perfect mother for them.  If there is one thing that Claire and Max know, at the tender age of 2 and 3, it is that they are deeply, wholly, unconditionally loved by me.  And that makes me know that I'm not failing. 

2. I am not a perfect wife.  I should be more patient, understanding, hold less expectations of how this should be.  But I love my husband and am committed to doing this life thing with him for our eternity. I value our relationship and understand the importance of continually making investments in it.  And I know that I'm not failing.  

3. I am not a perfect employee. Sometimes I spend more time at work staring at pictures of my children on my phone than I should. But I am good at my job, I find it fulfilling, and I believe this is exactly where God wants me right now.  And then I feel like I'm not failing.  

4. My home could be cleaner.  My closets could be less overflowing.  I could feed my children one less meal of mac and cheese each week.  I could display a little less stress.  But my family is still fed, clothed, healthy, and loved.  And I feel like I'm not failing.  

5. Instead of just thinking about and praying for my friends, I could call them or send them a letter or email more often telling them so.  I could offer more encouragement and spend more time just listening.   But I keep trying and I keep investing.  And I feel like I'm not failing. 

Sometimes we just need to place less expectations on ourselves, ladies.  If I was ONLY a wife, or ONLY an employee, I would probably have it mastered.

But none of us, not a single one of us, are only ONE thing.

And with all of the layers of our lives, we cannot have a single role mastered, let alone all of them.  Sometimes, good enough is good enough. Heck, sometimes good enough is AMAZING and a huge achievement.  Let's be less hard on ourselves and just keep trying our best.  Let's be the world's okayest Mom, or employee, or homemaker.





That was a super long post and I don't know if anyone had the patience or interest in making it all the way through.  I just felt led tonight to share these heartfelt thoughts.

And now, pictures of those precious children of mine.

January

I was not a big fan of January.  Two days after my last post declaring my gratitude for finally being healthy, we were back to children vomiting and 104 degree fevers. Along with a husband that got sick and essentially didn't leave the bedroom for two days.  Thankfully, we seemed to finally be healthy, for real this time, a day before my and Josh's weekend at Grandview Lodge. Thank you, Jesus!

We had an awesome time.  Our condo was gorgeous, cozy, romantic.  The Lodge is beautiful as well.  We had great, long, meaningful conversations and enjoyed finally sleeping through the night.

This past Tuesday, January 29th marked five years since one of the darkest days of my life.  Five years....it seems so long and yet the residual sting of the pain is still near.  Not only was my actual miscarriage deeply traumatic for me, but the eight long months after the miscarriage, with multiple rounds of fertility treatments and no pregnancy, were some of the most character-building and soul-searching days of my life.  Everything was in our favor, and yet no baby was forming.  I clung to many truths during that time, including this one:

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we 

also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, 

perseverance, character, and character, hope.

                                                               Romans 5:2-4


And then this girl was conceived.  And my heart was stricken with fear.  Prayers for her safety and continued growth were like breathing to me.  She's everything I needed.  She is my heart and soul and worth every second of the wait.

Nine months after her birth, this boy was conceived.  He formed in secret for almost twelve weeks before we learned of his blessed existence.  Nothing was in our favor this time.  There's really no reason he should have been conceived, and yet he was.  We didn't know we needed him.  If you've read this blog for awhile, you probably know that I strongly oppose the commonly held belief that "everything happens for a reason".  

But I do believe this:

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 and this:

When times are good, be happy;

    but when times are bad, consider this:God has made the one as well as the other.Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.

Ecclesiastes 7:14

There's a distinction. 

I have not a shadow of a doubt that God has had his hand in the building of my family.  I am so thankful for the darkness, the hope, the surprises, the joy, the miracles, for I know that in the end, they were all perfect.  He is so good, so good to me.

Healthy (finally!!) and 4th annual party

Knock on wood...but I think we might finally be healthy.  Well, except for a nagging cough for Claire, but other than that.  It's been a really rough two full weeks.  First both kids had a nasty cold for an entire week.  On the week anniversary of his cold, Max got croup (and he gets bad cases of croup).  As croup runs its course, it turns into a nasty cold.  Meanwhile, Claire maintained her nasty cold.  Then, last Thursday Max got a stomach bug.  On Friday I got the same thing and also came down with a fever.  I had to go to work for a few hours on Friday, and I tried to not tell anyone I was there with a nearly 101 degree fever because surely they would kill me.  I would, if I were them.  I pretty much broke the golden rule of don't-you-dare-go-to-work-sick-and-get-me-sick-too, but sometimes duty calls! So it's been a very sleepless two full weeks in our household and I'm praying we're finally over it!

In other news, Max decided he wasn't quite tall enough on the stool so he went on his tippy toes too.



This evening I hosted the 4th annual family (including spouses and children!) get together for my "mom and baby class" friends.  Over 3 1/2 years ago, our babies looked like this.


And now they, and their siblings, look like this!!  Sadly, three of the seven moms couldn't make it tonight, so below are only 8 of the 14 children we have combined.


In 2009 we looked like this...


And now we (at least four of us) look like this!  A little more tired, seasoned, and happy.


You've heard me say it before, but I am so very thankful for these ladies and their children.  I am thankful that we continue to get together on a monthly basis to talk motherhood, family, marriage, and the Bachelor.  Life is good.

Busy times

Whew, it's been a busy last week and a half.  Last week we had something going on in the evening every night, which is partially why I was so glad to have Friday off from work.  The kids and I met up with Ashley and Melissa and their children at the zoo.  We were supposed to go to Ami's for a playdate and pizza dinner after nap but poor Briggsy had to go to the doctor to get stitches instead!

Friday night Josh left at bedtime to go to a bar to see his cousin Scott (Ami's husband) play with his band.  Saturday I spent a large portion of the day at a photography editing class in Albertville.  Last night we woke up around 2:00AM hearing the all-too-familiar seal bark coming from Max's room.

I didn't fall back asleep after that and was up with him (and Claire woke up too, of course) at 5:00AM in the bathroom downstairs with the water running as hot as it could in the shower (that felt less torturous than bringing him outside in the below zero weather, although the cold air is more effective at opening up the airway than the hot).  I took him to urgent care later in the morning and he got a shot of steroids.  Hopefully he will sleep much better tonight!  After rushing home from urgent care, I picked up Claire and we went to Minnetonka for a 1 year old's birthday party.  We got home by 4:00PM and went to get groceries.  Whew.  This coming week we only have one obligation in the evening (gymnastics on Tuesday) and I am excited to have time at home so I can feel more caught up with life!

So I typed all of that while I was waiting for my photos to upload into Photobucket. Just to kill time.  Hopefully I didn't bore you in the process. :)

Tonight Max made me dinner.



As I took this photo, he handed me the dish (containing a hotdog bun and half a kiwi) and said, "Mommy, I made you SOUP. Be nummy! Be nummy!"


Get-caught-up-on-life, exhibit A, below.


They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but I think it's just par for the course for a three year old girl.  Claire tries to copy EVERYTHING I do.  That means putting dinner on the table and trying to get as close as she can to what I served (one of those play dishes has a pear in it and I also served a pear with dinner tonight).  She gets so excited to cook her dinner at her play kitchen.  She constantly yells at me and asks which step I am on and then excitedly says she's doing the same thing too ("I'm cooking my hamburger TOO!").


When we got home from the birthday party, I changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Claire immediately ran to her room and found a sweatshirt, that also had a hood and zipper, just like me.  After dinner was cleaned up, I had to do some work in preparation for tomorrow. Claire got out her calculator and said, "I'm texting and doing my work emails too, Mommy".


Have a good week!

The start of January

It was tough to go back to work. The first morning Claire said to me, "Do you have to start going to work EVERY DAY again?!".  Now I'm looking forward to a week off with the kids in February.  Omi, the Parks and the Hebels will all have warm vacations and we'll have a super fun staycation!

Friday night I went out to dinner with Sarah and Amy, at a nice restaurant with a professional staff.  Sarah and I both ordered a glass of wine and he didn't ask for either of our IDs.  He returned a couple minutes later, looked at both of us, looked back at Sarah and said, "I need to see your ID".  What?!  We laughed so hard and couldn't believe he'd single her out and not ask for MY ID.  I don't think I easily look over 35! (right?!)

On Saturday we had Bailey's baptism. Josh and I are honored to be her Godparents.  Max got a cold the night before and was so sleepy during the service that he actually fell asleep!  It was sweet for this mama's heart to cuddle with him in church.  Hosanna baptized 36 children that morning!














Saturday night my dad and his new puppy, Scout, came over to watch the Vikings playoff game.  I love, love watching football games with my dad. And Scout is beyond adorable.



The kids were so pumped up for the game too! We practiced our celebration dance before kickoff, to make sure we were prepared to SKOL!



Ever since I could talk, "42" has been my absolute favorite number.  I was so excited when a Vikings player with the number 42 was FINALLY good enough to have a jersey made.  And then I found a child's 42 jersey at Marshall's for $4.99.  Score! Now I have my own little mini-me Viking fan in matching 42 jerseys.  Could life get any better?

2012 Annual Photobook- it's complete!!

Click here to view this photo book larger

You'll love award-winning Shutterfly photo books. Start your own today.