Unexpected Miracles

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him what your plans are.

Oh, how true that is!! Josh and I love being parents. I mean, we love it. We love Claire with a passion that I didn't know existed before. This love makes being away from her all the more heart-wrenching but I know in my heart that the pain is worth it, to experience a love and loyalty and protecting spirit like I do. We were excited to focus our energy and effort on Claire for the next couple years and resume our fertility treatments in July 2011. They would be approx 3 years apart (perfect) and I would (hopefully) be on maternity leave during the spring/summer again (BLISSFUL!!!!!!). I just started a new job, as did Josh, so I would be able to put some focus on that, and we would stabilize for a bit. Yup, that was the plan.

Warning- this could be TMI for some people. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I was fortunate to breasfteed for a year, so my body hadn't regulated itself yet. For a couple weeks I thought I was getting my period (first one since Claire was born). I was bloated in the evening, which wasn't abnormal for me, but I started noticing it didn't go away in the morning. I wondered for a split second if I was pregnant before quickly shaking off that crazy, fleeting thought. A few days later I was at Target and decided to pick up a 3 pack of pregnancy tests. I didn't pick up the 1 pack even though it was $5 cheaper because I figured I would take a test and it would be negative, and then I'd have a couple more for down the road when we were trying again. That night, April 22nd, I went to bed at 10PM and woke up at midnight and didn't go back to sleep for the rest of the night. A million thoughts raced through my mind:

what if I AM pregnant?

Wow, I really do think I AM pregnant!

Wait, if I AM pregnant, what would my new boss think?!

How would I travel internationally this fall for my job?!

How would Josh react??

and on and on it went until 6AM when I decided to finally get out of bed and take the test.

The line indicating pregnant came up even before the control line. There was no squinting or holding the test in many different directions or under different lights to see if there could possibly be the making of a faint, faint line (yes, I did this many times when we were trying to conceive the first time. I even admit to taking apart the test to get a closer look. No lie. Not proud of those moments). Nope, this was a dark, thick line.

Josh was getting ready in the other room and I approached him and said, "I'm pregnant".

He didn't believe me so I had to show him the box and how two lines means pregnant.

One of the first things he said was, "Now you can't make fun of those women on TLC's show 'I didn't know I was pregnant'!!!!".

Thanks, honey. I'm glad your mind is in the right spot.

I had noooooooo idea how far along I was. It was such an odd feeling! With my first two pregnancies, I knew exactly how far along I was. I found out I was pregnant both times at 3 weeks 4 days. 11 days past ovulation. I felt almost like a normal pregnant woman who didn't have to go through pokes and prods and tests and drugs and treatments.

I called my clinic as soon as they opened and asked to schedule an ultrasound.

The woman asked, "Who is ordering this ultrasound?"

I responded, "I am (DUH!)". (The "Duh" was just in my head).

She said I had to have a nurse or doctor order my ultrasound so they would give me a call back.

Twenty minutes later I received the call and talked the situation through with the nurse. I agreed to starting with bloodwork, so they could test the hcG (pregnancy hormone) before moving on to an ultrasound (frankly, I didn't have another choice, with me being the one ordering the ultrasound).

I was fortunately able to get in that afternoon but couldn't get the result until Monday. It was a long weekend of allowing the news to sink in, trying to talk to Josh about it even though he somehow didn't believe the glaringly positive pregnancy test, and wondering how far along I was. I really, really, wanted to tell our friends at Small Group but he wanted to wait until we knew my due date.

It was terrific that I was already home on Monday because I had taken the day off to be with Claire. She had her 1 year doctor appt that morning (which Josh joined; that made me happy!) and afterwards I called for the results of the bloodwork. With my first pregnancy, my first hcG draw (out of 3) was a level of 35. With my second pregnancy, it was 93. The nurse told me my level was 76,000+. I didn't hear what she said after, "seventy six thousand...blah blah blah". WOW! She asked AGAIN when my last period was and I AGAIN repeated, "July 2008. Not very helpful". I was super happy to hear I could get in for an ultrasound that afternoon at 1:30!! After talking to Josh, he arranged so he could come too (he was at work by that point)!

During the ultrasound we learned that I was 11 weeks 5 days along. Holy Moly!!! I missed almost the ENTIRE first trimester!! I really was like those women on TLC's show!! Well, at least I noticed I was pregnant before I went into labor. That has to count for something.

We were on cloud nine and couldn't believe we'd have another baby around November 11th! Claire and this baby will be just over 18 months apart.

We feel so, so blessed. God is so good to us. He spared me from the fear I was all too often consumed with during my first trimester with Claire (mainly due to my previous miscarriage).

While this wasn't in our plan, we understand and believe that God's plans for us are much, much greater than our own. I believe that ALL babies are created intentionally by God and that not a single one is a mistake.

Looking back, I can see some symptoms. I felt nauseaus once in a while, but I always attributed it to car sickness (that lasted hours after I got out of the car). I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch every night for weeks, but I just attributed that to the tiring life of a working mother! The symptom that I most recently realized was most likely pregnancy-related was my serious distaste for meat that lasted a few weeks. I eat meat with almost every lunch and dinner. Since I don't eat cheese, I don't really know how to cook without meat. But for a few weeks in March, I could NOT bring myself to eat meat! I would go to Asian Max (my favorite chinese place downtown) and order my favorite Spicy Basil chicken but then could not force myself to eat it. I explained it to Josh and he said (this is a quote), "if you become a vegetarian, I am going to have to seriously consider if this is going to work out between us". Well, now I know where his ultimatums lie.

It dawned on me recently that many women go through a phase early in their pregnancy where they can't eat meat! At that time, it NEVER crossed my mind that my strong meat-aversion could be due to a pregnancy. Nope, not once.

So, here we are. I am 13 weeks pregnant today. I have a most precious one year old sleeping snugly and safely up in her crib. I have a husband who adores me. And I have a stinky, noisy, naughty puppy cuddling beside me. I am truly blessed.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14b