Claire at 8 months

She turned 8 months old on Christmas! She is becoming more and more fun with each passing day!

Claire at 8 months....

• Pulls herself to standing all the time! She is super quick at it and can use almost anything to pull herself up. She loves to stand at her toy chest. When babies learn to pull themself up, why do they insist on always standing??
• Can climb stairs! She actually climbed an entire flight of stairs in just a couple minutes last night while Josh was up in the kitchen and I was out with friends!
• Sits on her knees- it's so cute.
• Opens and closes her right hand. Some people think she is waving 'hi'. I'm not completely convinced yet.
• Is often still tricky to get down for naps, which is probably the most frustrating thing we deal with! Fortunately, this past weekend was better. It doesn't help that she can stand up in her crib now. It's so sad yet cute to go in her room and see the little tiny thing standing up in the crib in the corner by the door (because she's just willing you to enter her room and rescue her!) and crying.
• When she does nap, she typically takes 3 naps a day- morning, mid-afternoon, and late afternoon. She goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:15PM.
• Makes all kinds of new noises, although she still is on the quiet side. The sound she makes most often sounds like she's trying to whistle, except she doesn't do it with her mouth round in an 'O' shape. She has a very distinct and well-practiced sound she makes when she wants something- it's like a cute grunt!
• Is starting to show preference for mama at times. We really noticed it after we returned from Florida (Josh said that Florida was "good bonding time" for us. Heh. I say spending time together in the middle of the night virtually every single night for the past 8 months has been the real bonding time!!). She definitely ADORES her daddy, no doubt about that! Josh just has to grin slightly at her and she breaks into an ear-to-ear grin. But there are times that she wants Mom to hold her! Like at the Christmas Eve church service!
• Still gets up one time per night. Enough said.
• Sleeps until about 7:30-8:15 daily. It is soooo nice on the weekends! On Christmas Day she slept until 9AM! Amazing!
• Eats meals 2 or 3 times daily. She loves her homemade baby food. She hasn't shown a dislike for anything yet! She's had peas, carrots, squash, pears, prune juice, applesauce, sweet potatoes, bananas, yogurt, and a dish that contains chicken and veggies. She is a great eater! On the weekdays she drinks two breastmilk bottles and one formula bottle. On the weekends she doesn't have any bottles. She is better with the formula but still isn't a big fan.
• Struggles with constipation occassionally. poor girl.
• Drinks from adult straws. If she sees a water bottle or even just an adult cup, she makes her grunting "I want" sound and leans for it. Somehow she knew exactly what to do with the straw and drinks perfectly!
• Is SUPER happy. She's such a joy. She's constantly smiling, laughing, squeling with glee. Rarely fussy or crabby!
• Adores Sydney. They're getting to be little partners in crime. Like when the dishwasher was open a couple days ago and they both stood there licking the spatulas.
• Wears size 2 diapers, still.
• I'm not sure how much she weighs but I'm guessing about 14 1/2 pounds. We'll see at her 9 month appt.
• Wears a variety of clothes sizes, depending on the brand. She still wears a couple 3 month size jeans, she wears a lot of 6 month size shirts, jammies, and pants, and wears some 6-12 month size outfits.

Well it's past 10PM and I'm tired and that's all I can think of for now! Merry Christmas! We had our best Christmas ever with our sweet, sweet baby girl- thanks be to God!

Trust

Trust. It's an amazing thing. Babies learn to trust their parents within weeks of being born. They trust that when they cry, their parents will come. They trust that they will be kept warm, that they will be fed, that their diaper will be changed. They trust that all of their needs will be met. Without questioning it. Oh, how I long to trust my Heavenly Father with all of my needs like babies trust their father and mother.

I was reading one of my favorite blogs tonight, that of Mckmama's (http://www.mycharmingkids.net/) and I saw this picture of her daughter and husband. It made me think of trust. It's clear this little girl trusts her daddy. Let it be so with us!

Who I Am

I think I have always been quite self-aware but lately I feel like I know myself better than I ever have before. I don't know why that is- maybe joining motherhood put it all in perspective for me. Maybe it's just the result of frequent reflection over the past years. Whatever it is, I enjoying 'knowing' myself and feeling comfortable with who I am. I enjoy not having to pretend to be something that I am not or wonder what I stand for or believe in. To give you just a glimpse of who I am....

• I am pro-life. I believe that everyone is fearfully and wonderfully made and created in His image. Yes, even the little fetus that is only weeks past conception. I saw Claire's heart beating when I was 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant. There is no question to me that life starts at conception and that all lives are worth protecting. I also believe in the miracle of adoption.
• My love language is words of affirmation.
• I dislike politics.
• My spiritual gift is giving.
• I strongly believe in microfinance and its ability to alleviate poverty.
• I think that we do not necessarily have a problem with 'shortage' in this world. Rather, I believe we have a problem with 'distribution'. And it is our (our, not just the government's) responsibility to distribute resources.
• I love being a mother. I really love it. I feel like it is something I was created to be.
• I believe that everything does not happen for a reason.
• I believe that God can make good out of bad situations.
• I belive that true miracles do happen, through the power of Jesus Christ.
• I believe in equal rights for men and women; and that women (and men) should be able to choose what they want to do with their life without being confined by gender roles. I believe a woman can be a 'feminist' and still choose, and love, to be a stay at home mom or homemaker. (Today we were at Target and we picked out a 'glow worm' for Claire. Josh thought it looked too 'boy-ish' because there was some blue on it and not a speck of pink. I told Josh that it's perfectly acceptable, even desirable in my opinion, for Claire to own toys that are blue and not pink).
• I believe that "it's not about me". Or you.
• I believe in the power of prayer.
• I often (and by often, I mean multiple times per week) reflect upon the meaning of life.
• I treasure friendships- new and old.
• I dislike public speaking, but am pretty good at hiding my nerves.
• I still struggle with pronouncing the letter "r".
• I believe in the importance and power of forgiveness.

Just a little bit about me. You may have already known all, most, some, or none of it. On the eve of my 28th birthday, I enjoying thinking about who I am. Because I like me. I think God did an okay job. :)

Miss Mobile!

Claire is ON THE MOVE!!! She officially started crawling on November 18th and hasn't stopped since! She can even pull herself to a standing position on her own. Now that she's completely mobile, she's getting into all kinds of trouble.






She climbs on boxes....



She eats the tupperware.




She crawls under the table and through the chairs.












She plays with electrical cords (we do try to limit this behavior).

She eyes up her nuk and chases it feverishly.

She gets stuck under the table (and like all good moms, I tell her to hold on as I grab my camera and take a picture).

And she pulls herself to standing!

Oh, how much joy she brings us each day as she discovers the world around her!

Claire at 7 months

Today is Claire's 7 month birthday! Where does the time go??? Our princess continues to steal our hearts every day. It is hard to believe you can love a little bugger with as much passion as we do.



Claire at 7 months:

• CRAWLS!!! She began crawling (officially) on November 18th. Josh thought she crawled before this but it was only maybe 4 or so steps at a time and her momma didn't think that really qualified as crawling (I know, she wasn't even 7 months old and I was already hard on her!). But on 11/18, she crawled across the entire living room because she was chasing me (while crying) as I ransacked the house looking for my cell phone. I finally caved and gave it to her that she is officially crawling! It is so fun and cute to see because you feel like a baby that small shouldn't be able to move like that!


• Loves, loves, loves to give mommy (and only mommy, which I don't mind :)) kisses. She sucks on my chin and lunges for my mouth. It's actually getting kind of painful when she gnaws on me with her gums!


• Has moved from her belly to sitting up all on her own, one time (at least that mom and dad have seen).


• Has had some formula. I am still breastfeeding but I'm not pumping enough during the day for her three full bottles and I went through almost my entire freezer stash. She now drinks two bottles of breastmilk and one bottle of formula each weekday. For some reason I had a hard time with this. I am proud to still be nursing and I am proud that she was nursed exclusively for over 6 months. She is handling the formula so-so. She's not a big fan and she has some constipation/tummy issues. But she'll adapt!


• Wears 3-6 month and 6 month clothes..... still. :)
• Drinks 5 or 6 ounce bottles and eats every 3-4 hours. She also has greatly improved her solid food eating skills. She loves the homemade sweet potatoes and peas. I mix the vegetables (one at a time) with breastmilk and rice cereal. She's not too sure about the applesauce yet. She scrunches her nose and closes her eyes because of the sour taste.


• Sleeps from about 7:30-8:00PM until 7AM, with getting up once or (usually) twice. She has been harder to get back down after she wakes up- she used to just go right back to sleep and it wasn't a big deal for me to get up during the night to feed her. Now she often cries and gets very upset. Josh has been GREAT. If I don't think she needs to eat, he'll get up with her. Even if she does need to eat, he'll sometimes get up and change her diaper (which is much harder work than just sitting down and feeding her) before I get up to nurse her. He never once complains and I so appreciate his partnership.


• Often has a tricky time going down for a nap. It is either super easy or super hard to get her down. We're trying to let her 'cry it out' a little more and it occasionally works, but usually doesn't.


• Is noticing the world around her more than ever. It's almost like a light switch turned on and all of a sudden she can see all of her surroundings (hmm reminds me of the song, "I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see..."). She loves to explore. You can see that she found the coffee table during her exploration this week and decided she should climb inside. Of course, why not?!
• She often leans backward and looks straight up above her and is captivated by what she sees (which is usually just a white ceiling but is sometimes a ceiling fan, to her delight).
• Loves her one-on-one time with her daddy. During class last Thursday Josh said that he fed Claire at bedtime but she decided she didn't want the bottle, so she just leaned against his chest and fell asleep, which caused him to cry (he's a softie and I love it). She is not very cuddly and it's very unusual for her to do this so it meant a lot to him! You can see the joy they experience together in the below photo that was taken before bedtime tonight.

On the eve of Thanksgiving, we are bursting with gratitude for our precious little family and all of the abundant blessings in our life. Claire brings us more joy than we ever could have hoped for. Even during the middle of the night when Claire is screaming and I am exhuasted and long for sleep, I cannot help but smother her cheeks with kisses. As I celebrate our blessings I remember and pray for the women and men that are still searching for their family and struggling with infertility or miscarriage or child loss. It is a heartbreaking place to be and although we are joyous I have not forgotten the intense pain we felt during our infertility journey and miscarriage. Time heals but you don't forget.

Blessings to you all on Thanksgiving! God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.

Amazed

I love reading blogs. I keep up with, maybe, 20 or so blogs on a regular basis. Only a few of the bloggers do I know in 'real life'. Most of them have no idea who I am (I am a "lurker") but I have learned so much from these different women about parenting, marriage, love, Jesus, life, suffering, and joy, and heartache.

There is one blog in particular that is hitting me hard today. I found this blog months ago (I don't even remember how), read the first entry, saved it to my 'favorites' and didn't return again until today.

I always am longing to 'hear' Jesus speak to me. I have never audibly heard Him, but I hear Him through people, events, interactions and in the quiet stillness of my mind. I heard Him loud and clear today, and I am so thankful for that!

Remember this post I wrote awhile back about longing to have Jesus' eyes for the poor and hurting? The blog post I read today reminded me just how much I long for His eyes and how much more I am falling desparately short of loving people the way He does and the way I should.

This blogger is a 21 (yes, TWENTY ONE) year old SINGLE woman who is living in Africa and has 14 (yes, FOURTEEN) adopted daughters. Amazing. If anyone could be called the hands and feet of Jesus, it is her.

Here is the blog post that shook me today. I encourage you to read it-- I know you will be touched.

Claire at 6 Months

Thank you to everyone who offered support and encouragement after my last post. I am so lucky to have such caring friends and family. I'll be okay- don't worry! I'm quite resilient. It feels good to get out in the open that I just have a lot going on right now, although that probably wasn't a surprise to anybody! I think anyone in my shoes would be struggling a bit. Last week I got an unexpected raise at my midyear review (very uncommon!) so that helped a little- it's nice to know all of my crazy hours and hard work are being noticed and appreciated.

Okay... on to more exciting things... Claire turned 6 months old last Sunday! Wow! I can't believe our little girl is half a year. I almost feel like I need to start planning her 1st birthday party- haha.

Claire at 6 months:

• Drinks 5 ounce bottles. She still eats about every 3 hours.
• Gets up 1-2 times per night. She goes to bed about 7:30PM. She shows tired signs earlier than 7:30 but Josh and I just don't want to put her to bed yet! We get such very little time with her in the evening and we hate to put her to bed at 7PM! Especially when she can sleep as late as she wants in the morning since we don't need to drop her off at daycare.
• Is mobile, mobile, mobile. She has the backwards scoot down pat. She can find a way to get anywhere she wants to go. She'll get up on all fours and launch herself forward. She also rocks back and forth slightly while on all fours. We even had to start babyproofing!
• Pees like crazy at night. She pees through her diaper and pajamas multiple nights per week. It is not fun nor easy to completely undress her, wipe her down, change her diaper, find new pajamas, put new pajamas on and put on a new blanket at 2am with a little baby that is screaming because all she wants to do is eat and sleep!
• Drools less. I don't know why she's drooling less but she doesn't need to wear a bib like she used to.
• Loves to be scared/startled. She even waits for it in anticipation. She'll just stare at you and blink her eyes as you lean forward to give her a little shake around her chest and yell "boo!!".
• Doesn't really care for rice cereal quite yet. Her reflex to push the spoon and food out with her tongue is still pretty strong.
• Takes a fair amount of naps still. She'll nap maybe 3-5 times per day. Sometimes they're 15 minutes long and sometimes they're 1.5- 2 hours.
• Weighs 12 lbs 14 oz (3-5th %) and is 24 3/4 inches (10-15th %).
• Wears 3-6 month and 6 month size clothing.
• Has taken sips of water "to wet her whistle" as her baby doctor says.
• Is starting to be better at "cuddling". Before she didn't like being held really close unless she was eating or sleeping and wouldn't naturally lay her head on your shoulder or relax in your arms while awake. She's starting to a little bit though and Josh and I are very excited about this! Josh often says to her "I wish you liked to cuddle!" and "I can't wait for you to be able to give hugs!". She has his heart, that's for sure.
• Is a super happy girl. She is always smiley. She loves to giggle and belly laugh.
• Sleeps in her crib!!! This started on October 17th. The transition went well for all of us. Claire didn't seem phased by it and I wasn't too sad because I knew it was time!
• Is the love of my life. I yearn for her when I'm not with her. I'm always praying that I'll have an opportunity to work part-time. Even 4 days a week would be absolutely amazing!

Overwhelmed

I haven't posted in a couple weeks- bad blogger! It's been for good reason. I'm just overwhelmed right now.

I don't want this post to come across as complaining or not being grateful for the amazing gifts in my life. I am grateful. I am so grateful to God for our precious Claire that my heart just wants to burst from my chest when the thought even flutters past my mind. But I am also overwhelmed. And I want to get that off my chest because it's therapeutic and healing.

I used to think (still do probably to a degree) that I could do it all. I saw my mom doing it "all" when I was growing up and have her for a beautiful role model of a working mom that held it all together. She worked full-time, was the primary caregiver, and took care of much of the daily household details. I have always thought that I could handle pretty much anything. Work-full time? No problem. Add graduate school to that? Piece of cake. Add a baby on top of it? I can do it! Maintain my relationships with my friends and family, clean the house, manage the finances, do all the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking? Yes, because I'm Super-Whitney!

But the truth is, I feel like I am failing at everything. And it's exhausting.

Let's take them one by one...

Work commute- I leave my house by 6:30AM and return home around 5:15PM. That's a long day. During that time, I typically do not get even 30 minutes to just sit and eat a lunch. Nope, I am working through lunch almost everyday these days. I really, really, really love our neighborhood, city, surrounding. But I also really wish my commute wasn't 1 hour on a good day with good weather and good traffic.

Job- I also wish at this point that I had a job where I could go there, do my thing (and a good thing at that), and then come home and be done with it until the next day. But I don't. My job is very demanding and stressful. I think about it all the time. The last two weeks I have worked almost every night for a number of hours after Claire went to bed. I should be going to bed after Claire goes to bed (or at least relaxing) but instead I need to work. My work is generelly the first thought in my head before I go to sleep and when I wake up. I know it's causing a lot of stress for me. I have a lot of responsibility and my boss and his peers have very high expectations of me. It's not going to get any better anytime soon because one of my two direct reports had her last day on my team yesterday (she was promoted to another team). So now we're down 33% of our team so I will have to pick up most of that slack, which means more late hours working from home. Last night when I was feeding Claire at 1:30AM, I commanded myself to NOT think about work and instead pray, which is my favorite thing to do while I feed her during the night. (I prayed for many of you that are reading this blog last night at 1:30AM!).

Grad school- I have two classes remaining (the one I'm taking right now and another in the spring) before I graduate with an MBA from the University of Minnesota. Hallelujah. My class is on Thursday nights. On those nights, I leave home at 6:45 for work and return home around 9:00-9:30 from school. At that point I have to pump because Claire is already in bed so I can't feed her. After changing out of my suit that I've been in for far too long, pumping, cleaning the bottles, checking work email, breathing for a minute, talking to Josh, and getting ready for bed, it's usually 11PM before I hit the sack. And I'm exhausted. I am sad because I didn't get to see Claire at all that day. Besides the actual class portion, I need to find time to study each week. This weekend I need to do a take-home midterm exam that will likely suck many, many hours out of my life and I just don't have the motivation or desire to do it.

Motherhood- I LOVE being a mom. It is the most amazing, fulfilling, demanding, thing I have ever done. I can't explain my love for Claire. I honestly wish I could be a stay at home mom until my kids entered elementary school. It physically hurts me to be away from Claire all day. Annie (my mother in law who takes care of her during the day) spends more waking time with Claire than I do and it honestly kills me. I am so envious and sad. I am incredibly grateful to Annie for doing this. She's making a sacrifice too and I know it's not easy. I just really, really wish I was the one at home with her, which is the way it should be. Being a new mom isn't easy, even without all the other things I have going on. One of the most difficult parts is the lack of sleep. As Claire gets older, the sleeping gets worse. Ironic, huh? From 5 weeks to 13 weeks she slept through the night, every single night. Then I went back to work and she started getting up one time per night, which lasted for awhile. Now she's been getting up two times per night. I estimate that I get about 5 hours of sleep per night, every night. It's been like that for a couple months now and while I am getting used to it, I know that I need more sleep. A lack of sleep just
compounds everything else.

Feeding/Pumping: I am proud to say that Claire has been exclusively breast-fed since day 1. This is NOT to say that I am any better than any moms that formula-feed their baby. Not AT ALL. It was just important to me to breastfed Claire and I have been blessed that it has been relatively easy (from a medical or physical standpoint) for me to do this. From a pratical standpoint, it has been hard. She eats every 3 hours during the day still so my days are really planned around that. I am not comfortable feeding in public so I usually have to go in my car, find a dressing room, or go to a bedroom if I'm at someone's house to feed her. It means that I am the only one who can get up to feed her at night. It also means that I have to pump every day at work. My original goal was to pump three times a day but lately I have only been able to do it twice, and even that is a struggle. I have had to walk out of meetings, skip lunch, literally race to and from buildings, and work from home at night in order to pump during the day. By 3 months old, only 20% of babies are exclusively breast-fed. I don't know what the stat is for 6 month old babies, but I imagine it's far less. Again, I in no way want this to come across as me sounding all high and mighty and heroic for nursing Claire for this long. It has been a sacrifice and one that I am so, so happy to make. It's been a true blessing for Claire and for me.

Marriage- a good marriage doesn't happen naturally. We all know it takes work. I would say the biggest adjustment since Claire has been born for Josh and I has probably been our marriage. We just don't have the time together like we used to and our relationship has just changed. I need to dedicate more of my time, effort, and energy into our marriage. It's the most important thing and yet it feels like it's the first thing to let go when life becomes this stressful. Don't get me wrong- we are doing well and are in love as ever. It's just different and that's been hard to accept. There are days I feel quite distant and days that I know Claire has brought us closer together.

I won't go into these in detail but other things on my plate include:
I am an Executive Director of the Midwest Global Trade Association (my term is 2007-2010)
I started a small group that requires bi-weekly meetings and homework inbetween
I am dealing with two persistant, long-term health problems that both require daily treatment. One of them is my shoulder and I should be doing my physical therapy exercises every day but I don't have (make?) time.

So that's about it. I realize this probably came across as complaining and I am saddened by that. I am tremendously grateful for my marriage, Claire, my job, my house, my friends and family, Sydney, and all of the other incredible blessings in my life.

I read an article recently (while pumping) that talked about post-traumatic stress disorder that can show up seemingly out of nowhere years after women become mothers. These women hold it together for so long (working, mothering, taking care of the household, etc) and then just snap and fall into a depression. The article made a lot of sense to me. It instructed that women must communicate their struggles and let others support and encourage them to prevent this emotional breakdown. So that's what I am doing. I have cried about this often lately- while driving to work, while sitting at my desk at work (no one was around), in the bathroom at work, while talking to my mom on the phone. On the outside I look like I have it all together. But I don't. I have had fleeting moments of the "what if I just get in my car and drive off and never come back" thoughts. But those pass quickly. I am happy. I am in love with my husband and my daughter. I have Jesus in my heart and know that He is all I really need. I have more compassion than ever for hurting and hungry children and families around the world. I am the same Whitney. I'm just a more tired and overwhelmed Whitney. And I greatly appreciate your encouragement and prayers.

Short video

You have to watch this 2 minute video. It's pretty touching. Have a kleenex handy!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZtU676jA_k

Claire is 5 months old!

Claire at 5 months:

• Eats about 6 times a day. Her bottle during the day contains 4 ounces.
• Sleeps pretty well. She goes to bed about 8PM and gets up once or twice because she's upset that she's on her tummy and I have to flip her to her right side, give her the nuk, and keep my hand on her side (this is new) until she falls back asleep. She also gets up once to eat- anywhere between 2-5:30AM. This morning she ate at 2:15AM and 5:40AM.
• Wants to put her pacifier in her mouth by herself. She's already little Miss Independent and she's only 5 months old. I wonder where she gets this from??? (Certainly not her mama who traveled halfway across the world to Ukraine when she was 16 years old by herself).
• Rolls over like it's her job. She can roll across a room in just minutes! It really is amazing to see. She prefers to roll to the right, but she just keeps on going until an obstacle stops her!
• Starting to seem like she recognizes her name. I can't quite tell if it's a coincidence or if she really is starting to react to it.
• Is pretty quiet. She continues to be a good listener like her daddy, rather than a talker like her mommy.
• Still far prefers feeding with her mommy but takes the bottle well on most occasions.
• Doesn't like to nap. It can be quite a chore to get her to sleep for naps. When she does nap, it's often for 30 minutes or so.
• Pulls her little legs up underneath her when she's on her tummy and lurches forward. I tell her she better not even think about crawling anytime soon because mama wants her to be a little baby for awhile longer!
• Gets scared of people-- sometimes it's strangers and sometimes it's family members that she knows.
• Is just starting to wear 3-6 and 6 month clothes.
• Looooooooves Sydney. She thinks Sydney is hilarious and reaches out to grab her. Sydney on the other hand is not very enamored by the little creature we call Claire.
• Loves to stare at her mommy. The last two times we were at church she just wanted to stare at me, no matter who was holding her.
• Lights up when she sees her daddy.
• Has a brand new thing where she throws her head back and arches her back backwards.
• Is beyond adorable and loveable!!!
  

Claire meets Everleigh

We brought Ami and Scott dinner and met baby Everleigh on Saturday night. Even though it was only four short months ago, it is hard to believe Claire was ever that small! She is soooo beautiful and such a well-behaved baby! I was in awe at how Everleigh could be awake and not crying! When Claire was that age (2 weeks), when she was awake she was either crying or eating! I am so glad Ami has a good baby after how hard her pregnancy was. Claire and Everleigh will have so much fun together when they're older!


Josh already wants #2. He just doesn't admit it.
I gotta say, she looks pretty comfy in my arms!

Claire wins the most mobile award

You never know what kind of photo opportunity you're going to have when you pull out the camera. This afternoon while Daddy napped, I organized Claire's clothes in her nursery. I laid her on her tummy on her Boppy and gave her a toy. She played for a few minutes and then I laid on the floor a couple feet in front of her. I snapped several shots of her in action. The following 9 pictures prove that I have the MOST MOBILE 4 MONTH OLD EVER! Amazingly, she never lets go of the toy in her hand! She's so smart. :) And cute. And loveable. And adorable. And funny. Okay, I'm smitten.

(also note her Vikings outfit that Auntie Bethanie gave her today!)

Step 1: Look at the Mommy and flash my million dollar smile.

Step 2: Place toy near mouth and lean forward.

Step 3: Shove bum in air.

Step 4: Lean to the right.

Step 5: Lean to the left.

Step 6: Roll over and off the Boppy!

Step 7: Roll from back to tummy! All while holding on to my toy.

Step 8: Smile because I am so proud of myself!

You can see where she started and where she ended up! Note her leg is stuck under the crib. I had to help her with that one- she's only 4 months, she can't do everything herself!

The purpose of life from a grieving father's perspective

There's a blog I follow from a woman that I 'met' on a message board for infertility. She got pregnant with triplets via in-vitro fertilization and delivered them at 25 weeks and 5 days . They were all doing incredibly well until one of the triplets, Annaleigh, passed away last week at 2 months of age from a sudden stomach disease. Her sister Lily and brother Charlie are thriving. The Daddy wrote a eulogy that he delivered at Annaleigh's funeral. He also posted it on the blog. One part of the eulogy has been on my mind for a few days now. He wrote:

Eight weeks of life is just too short. It makes me think about what the point of life is at all. That’s a hard question to think about when you’re of clear and sound mind, but to think about it at a time like this is just unfair. But I think I’ve come up with an answer to that question anyway.

The way I see it, there are three points to life:
1. To love and be loved.
2. To prove you can make it on your own.
3. To have babies of your own.

It's interesting to me that a couple that struggled with infertility and had to do in-vitro to get pregnant would think that one of the three points of life is to have a baby of your own, but that's not my point. What strikes me about his observation is the brevity of it. You see, this man does not believe in God nor eternal life. To me, the only thing worse than losing your newborn baby is to not be able to reach out in desperation to your Lord and Savior for his neverending peace and comfort and to not trust that your precious baby is with Jesus in Heaven and will be reunited with you very soon. Can you imagine? I am so sad for this family. I am so sad that they lost their beautiful two month old daughter. I am even more sad that they don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I simply cannot imagine surviving that tragic loss without Him.
http://threecheersforbabies.blogspot.com/

Claire at 4 months

Claire at 4 months:

• Reaches for items in front of her
• Interacts a lot. She tries to copy your facial expressions. The other night she and Josh took turns making funny noises ("farty sounds") with their mouths.
• Rolls over from back to tummy constantly. She doesn't stop!
• 11 lbs 7 oz and 23.5 inches long
• Laughs a lot! Something that is hilarious one day may produce a blank stare the next.
• Drools like crazy. We put a bib on her a lot to soak up the drool.
• Puts her fist or fingers in her mouth.
• Grabs her toes.
• Is sometimes scared of strangers, especially men. "Strangers" have included Grandpa Jeff and Uncle Chris.
• Notices Sydney more.
• Is better at taking the bottle but still far prefers her Mommy.
• Can cry /fuss herself to sleep occasionally (I don't let it go more than 3-5 minutes).
• Enjoys being outside.
• Doesn't sleep as well as she used to (but still good). She sleeps about 12 hours at night, with getting up once to eat. May get up another one or two times and need the pacifer reinserted.
• Pulls her legs up under her while on her tummy. I told her she better not even think about crawling anytime soon!!
• Still wears 0-3 month size clothing.
• Makes my heart ache for her when I'm not with her!
• Has a hammer arm. She pumps her right arm up and down, up and down. This is a brand new development.
• Has a magnetic field in front of her mouth. She wants to put everything in her mouth. If anything is within a foot, she'll open her mouth and try to put it in.
• Had her first cold already when she was about 3 1/2 months old. So sad!

French Fries

A Dad took his little girl to McDonalds. He bought her a small french fry, which contained 20 french fries. After they sat down, the Dad asked his daughter if he could have 2 french fries.

She hesitated because she knew deep down that she wanted all of her french fries herself.

She finally told her Dad that she didn't want to share any of her french fries. Sadly, she didn't realize two things:

• Her Dad had the ability to give her many, many more french fries. More french fries than she could ever dream of or want.
• Her Dad could easily take some or all of the french fries from her.

***************************************************************************

I've been thinking and praying a lot about our french fries lately. I so badly want to give away 2 of our 20 french fries but there's a little part of me that says I "need" all 19 or 20.

August 11th

We found out I was pregnant with Claire one year ago today! What an incredible day that was!

3 Months

Claire is 3 months old today! Wow!

Claire at three months:

• rolls over!! Annie saw it on Thursday and Josh and I saw it today! (I asked Annie to not share any more milestones with me. It hit me hard when I heard that I missed her roll over for the first time. I spent almost every waking minute with Claire the first 12 weeks of her life, and then I'm gone for 4 days and she rolls over! Unbelievable!).
• is a happy girl. She hardly ever fusses, except for when she's tired or bored. She doesn't even cry much when she's hungry. Last night, for instance, she slept for 10 hours and 15 minutes! When she woke up, she just laid patiently in her bassinet and waited for me to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth before getting her. She was all smiles while I changed her diaper and then ate a big meal. It never ceases to surprise me how patient she is even when she hasn't ate in 10 1/2 hours!
• still sleeps throught the night. She hasn't gotten up during the night since she was 5-6 weeks old. Not even one time. Amazing.
• is very responsive. She smiles, laughs, and "talks" in response to us.
• is taking the bottle better. The first day of daycare was rough, for Claire and for Annie, but she quickly learned that Mama can't stay home with her no matter how stubborn she is. She usually takes the bottle like a dream now!
• is on more of a feeding schedule. She eats every 3-4 hours and about 3 ounces at a time when she takes a bottle.
• loves shopping at Target. Just like her mama.
• wears 0-3 months clothes. She'll outgrow them in length long before she outgrows them in weight. She weighs approximately 10 lbs 4 oz, give or take a pound. This is based on the scientific method of me standing on the scale with and without her.
• likes to nap in her bouncer, swing, and carseat. She continues to take really good naps. Sometimes she'll take 30 minute cat naps, but she usually has one to two good 1.5-2.5 hour naps during the day.

Why?

I have been reflecting on this question for a couple years now. My thoughts have changed over time and depending on my circumstance. When we were first trying to get pregnant I felt differently than when we were recovering from the miscarriage. And now I feel entirely different with Claire in our lives.


Why do you have a baby? What is the purpose?


Your life changes dramatically and in every way possible when you have a baby. Suddenly your wallet is significantly lighter, your body is tired, you go, go, go all day long changing diapers, feeding, playing, consoling, laughing. Your life revolves around your child(ren). When they are older you suddenly become a taxi driver. In the past few years I have developed a deeper and more profound appreciation for my mom. I have always appreciated her and been grateful for all she did for me, but as the years go by, my realization of the incredible sacrifices she made for me for deepens. My mom worked full-time and had a decent commute. My brother and I had many activities pretty much every single evening. She would call us when she was pulling into the neighborhood and would tell us to meet her in the driveway. She would pull up, we would jump into the car, and her evening of driving us to and from our activities began. She would get home late, still dressed in her work clothes, and may or may not have had dinner (if she did eat, it was on the road). She made our lunches for the next day, probably picked up the house, maybe did some dishes, most likely told Chris and I to stop arguing (:)), and then went to bed, only to begin it all again the next day. I have a lump in my throat just thinking about it. Chris and I were/are so blessed. THANK YOU, MOM.



When you have a child your life becomes...more stressful..more worrisome..busier.


So, why? Why do we have a child/children?


Is it because they bring us indescribable joy? Yes. Is it because we have so much love to share? Yes. Is it because we want company as we grow older? Yes.


But is that all? Before Claire I would have thought that pretty much summed it up. But now I believe there are so many more reasons.


Here are two reasons that have been revealed to me in the last 12 weeks.



Having a child causes a deep and real realization of just how much God loves us.


I have always known that God loves me. But it's so tough to really understand just how much. We are told that He knows our name, He knows how many hairs are on our head, He knows our deepest dreams and fears-- but our human minds cannot completely fathom the love our Father has for us.

I can't describe how much I love Claire or how much I want to protect her. I told Josh the other day that sometimes when I think about how much I love her, I get actual pains in my stomach. His response? "Sometimes I cry".

I so badly want to protect her, to keep her healthy and happy, to prevent her from experiencing any discomfort or hardship. If I love her this much, then how much more does God love me? I love with a natural love, but He loves with a supernatural love. Our love is imperfect- our love is impacted by events and is not truly "unconditional". His love is, though. Each day that I have with Claire, I begin to more fully understand just how strong His love is for me. And this understanding is life-changing.

Having a child causes your heart to break

I have never felt stronger compassion for children than I have since Claire was born.

When she was maybe 6 weeks old, I watched part of "Finding Nemo" at my mom's house with her boyfriend's grandson. It was my first time seeing the movie. I only saw the end where Nemo was separated from his Daddy and was in the dentist's office. Nemo was playing dead because he didn't want the dentist to flush him down the drain. Nemo's Daddy came to the window and saw Nemo playing dead. He was heartbroken and left. Nemo saw his Daddy and tried to tell him he was just pretending but it was too late. I was so sad that it was all I could do to not cry. Yes, this is the same Whitney that people joke is heartless because I never, never, never cry at movies. Not even movies that are truly sad, unlike Finding Nemo. But I was touched by this event between the baby fish and the papa fish.

When Claire was just a couple weeks old I saw a special on some news show about children in Africa that are being convicted and punished for witchcraft. The society believes that the children are the reason their parents are facing economic hardship and if the children are "treated" (read: tortured) for witchcraft and then abandoned to live in the street by themselves, their parents will finally be released from their turmoil. Can you imagine??? Sometimes the kids are only two or three years old! Oh, my heart starts racing at the thought of it because it makes me so angry. I talked to my dad about it a few days later and he said he was watching the same show and had to turn it off because it was too horrible. I am furious about the injustice. Kids are so vulnerable, fragile, and completely dependent on their parents. For parents to hand their young children over to be tortured and then abandoned is unimaginable. And now that I am a parent myself, the rage I feel over the injustice is so much stronger. Yes, I have always been compassionate and have always been an advocate for children (which is why I have wanted to adopt an orphan since first visiting an orphanage in Ukraine when I was 16 years old) but now that I'm a mom, the feeling is just different. It's stronger.

I want to fight for justice for children. I want to teach Claire to be compassionate, to not be about self but to be about others, to truly and deeply care for the poor, the homeless, the mistreated. To not be consumed about who Jillian is going to choose on the Bachelorette or the latest J&K+8 drama, but to be consumed with being a passionate warrior for the Lord. This is who I want to be. And this is who I want her to be.

My favorite song for awhile has been "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. It perfectly portrays this desire of mine to be in the world, but not of the world. My desire to see others, really see others, and the pain that they feel.... to look past what's on the surface and see the person underneath, the way that God sees each and every one of us. And to make a difference in the temporal and eternal life of others.

Here is the chorus:

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

I pray that as my love and care for Claire deepens, so will my resolve to improve the life of children. That may be done through donating more and more to Hope International, or by adopting one or more orphans, or by praying. Or all three!

So there are two reasons to have a child that I didn't realize until after Claire was born. Having a child causes a deep and real realization of just how much God loves us and having a child causes your heart to break. Now if I could only convince Josh to let us have three more instead of one more. :)

Reflections on my time with Claire

I have been reflecting on my time with Claire for a couple weeks now and wanting to write it down so I can look back and remember. It's been hard to sit down and actually write because either I'm busy being with Claire or I am in denial that our time is coming to an end. Right now, however, she is sleeping and I only have 1.5 days left, so it's time. I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

To verbally express my love for Claire would be impossible. A few years ago I heard the quote, "Deciding to have a child is like deciding to forever have your heart walk outside of your body". Oh, how true it is. She is my heart. She's my #3. When Josh and I were dating we would often call each other our #2. God was our #1, and we were each other's #2. That helped us to keep God at the center of our lives and relationship. Now Claire is #3. Now that I write that, I am second-guessing myself. To me, she is more important than me. Anyways...I'm having a hard time following myself so I'm sure you're having an even harder time following me.. I'll get back on track.

I guess some people consider me a "career oriented" person. I have often been called "ambitious", "driven", "tenacious". Maybe for those reasons, several people asked me before my maternity leave and during my maternity leave if I missed work or if I was anxious to get back. My answer...? NO! I have loved every single minute of the last 12 weeks. It has been the most precious time in my life. Every morning has felt like Christmas morning-- full of anticipation, excitement, gratitude.

I feel like I have traveled on such a long journey in just 12 short weeks. I remember at the beginning, I was totally overwhelmed. Part of it was due to the hormones. (Side note. Your 'pregnancy' hormones peak just prior to delivery. Within 10 days they are completely removed from your body, so your body essentially crashes. Note to moms-to-be, it is completely normal to be emotional at the beginning and to not feel like yourself. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!). Part of it was because of the daunting responsibility of caring for a new little being that is wholly dependent on you. Claire was also farrrr from an 'easy' baby at first. When she was awake, she was doing one of two thing: 1) eating, 2) crying. She could be awake for maybe 10 minutes without crying. I remember telling Josh that I just wished she could be awake and content for a small amount of time. He wisely told me that she would be with time.

To be honest, when she was sleeping I was nervous for her to wake up. This only lasted a couple weeks. By the time she was 2-3 weeks old, I felt more comfortable and confident. Now she's like a completely different baby. She is hardly ever fussy and when she is, it's for a reason. She is either hungry, wet, dirty, bored, over-stimulated, tired, or has a tummy ache. I'm pretty good at figuring out what is wrong and fixing the situation. She is just such a happy baby. She is so fun to be with.

In the beginning I remember wondering how in the heck I was supposed to do anything other than care for Claire. The thought of making dinner was laughable. How was I supposed to have my hands free for a decent amount of time during Claire's fussiest time of the day? So I started off slowly. We were blessed to have our parents bring meals the first couple of weeks. Then we had a few nights of takeout. Then my first meal was lasagna. I made it in the afternoon while Claire was sleeping- ingenious! I just put it in the fridge and stuck it in the oven later in the day. Josh and I didn't get to actually eat together, because that would be asking too much. We got pretty used to eating in shifts.

A few short months ago Claire was in my belly and was just a dream come true. Now I know her.

I know her.

I know her smell. I know her facial expressions (and she has a hundred of them!). I know how she raises her eyebrows sometimes while she eats. I know how she streches when she wakes up and when she finishes eating. I know what makes her happy and what makes her sad. I know her personality. I have spent almost every waking minute with her for three entire months. She is part of me.

How am I supposed to be separated from her?

I don't want to be. I certainly don't. I just want to be with her. But I know it's not possible and I know she will be in good hands.

I just wish they were my hands.

Now the tears are flowing...

*******************************************************************
Fond memories/things I will miss/things I loved:

• Cuddling with Claire
• Garage saling with Sara Domer and her young'uns on May 28th
• Garage saling with Josh while Annie babysat (it felt like we were on a fantastic date!) on May 29th.
• Walking around Cleary Lake or "The Pond" with Rachel and Kiera. Great conversation and exercise!
• Nursing Claire for the first time of the day in her rocking chair, with the morning light coming in (even with the blinds closed, I had to find ways to block the sun from her face).
• Watching Regis and Kelly
• Walking around "The Pond" with Sara, Lauren and Jake.
• Wednesday morning class with the new moms- Krista, Rachel, Shannon, Dagney, Melissa, Jody, and Ashley.
• Getting to know Claire
• Claire taking naps while laying on my chest- and me dozing off sometimes during them.
• Spending time with Sydney
• Target trips (like every other day!)
• Walking around Burnsville Center
• Spending the day at the Bluff Valley campsite with Jeff and Annie
• Walks around our neighborhood
• Playing with Claire on her "activity mat".
• Spending time with Josh on the days he took off
• Not having the "ugh, we go back to work tomorrow" feeling on Sunday evenings, and instead having the "I am so lucky, I am so happy, I am so grateful, I get to spend another entire week with my love, Claire!!" feeling (this is a BIG one!)
• Talking to my mom on the phone
• Spending time with Chris
• Grandpa's visit. Hanging out at mom's house with Grandpa, mom, and Chris (and Claire of course!)
• Going to Carbones for lunch with Chris, Grandpa, and Claire on June 22
• Giving Claire baths
• Reading Claire books
• Going to the zoo with Josh and Claire on our 5 year anniversary
• Going to bed at night knowing that I get to spend the next day with Claire (oh my, the tears are welling up and the lump is forming in my throat again!)
• Praying, praying, praying- prayers of gratitude and thankfulness and prayers for Claire's safety and protection
• Having the "old neighbors" (aka dear, dear, friends!!) over at mom's house to meet Claire.
• Going to mom's house and having lunch with her and/or just hanging out on her vacation days
• Pulling over into the nearest parking lot while Claire is screaming in the car to calm her down.
• Having Sarah over for visits
• Learning how to take care of Claire. Learning what she likes/dislikes. Knowing what will make her happy, what will make her sad, how to make her smile.
• Being in my house. I have never spent this much time in my house. It has felt really good.
• Watching Sydney lay in the sun and knowing how much happier she is to be out and about and not stuck in her kennel all darn day long.
• Not being stressed about work. Just truly enjoying every minute with Claire.
• Not being stressed about school and studying.
• Wearing Claire in the Baby Bjorn while making dinner and/or doing laundry
• Periodically watching Oprah
• Taking tons and tons of pictures of Claire
• Being able to share the pictures of Claire with friends and family on Facebook
• Just being with Claire. Plain and simple.

5 years

5 years of marriage

8 years of knowing my best friend

2 houses

1 dog

8 jobs

2 times living with Whitney's mom

1 million kisses

4 vehicles for Whitney

Countless vehicles for Josh

5 trips (not including Florida)

1 graduate school program

500,000 (approx) laughs

2 pregnancies

1 miscarriage

1 baby that is the light of our lives

2 surgeries

5 anniversary cards x2

A few tears

3,000 Craiglist purchases or sales

3 engaged siblings

4 retreats with our confirmation kids

1 year of teaching sunday school together

4 years of being confirmation mentors together

5 years of marriage.... today!!

I love you so much, honey. I am so blessed and honored to travel through life with you!!

Happy 2 Month Birthday!

Claire is 2 months old today! Wow! Happy Birthday, love!!

We had her 2 month doctor appt this morning. Josh came with and I'm really glad he did! Here are Claire's stats:

Weight: 9 lbs 5.5 oz 10-25%
Height: 21 inches 5-10%
Head: 14 3/4 inches 10-25%

She has grown 2 inches and over 4 lbs since her birth! The doctor said she's little but perfectly proportional.

She had one vaccine orally to start with. She did not like that and was already crying so it wasn't looking good for her shots. She had two shots in the left leg and then two in her right. She cried a cry that I had never heard before- especially when the nurse was inserting the needle. It was very high pitched. It made me sad :(. Fortunately it was over pretty quickly. I scooped her up and held her tight and gave her kisses. The pacifier helped calm her down too and she fell asleep in the car. She's sleeping right now. I foresee a lot of cuddle sessions today.

The many faces of Claire

7 Weeks

Claire turned 7 weeks yesterday.

Claire at 7 weeks:

• has slept through the night (6.5-7 hours) the last 5 nights in a row!! This is amazing! She's definitely doing this earlier than the norm. Maybe she'll be doing it very consistently by the time I go back to work.
• is better at "being alive". It's tough to transition from the womb to the world! In utero, she ate 24 hours a day, was "held" 24 hours a day, was always warm, could do whatever she wanted with her hands and didn't have to worry about mommy swaddling them at her side. It's not easy to enter the world and be content. But she's getting a lot better at it! She's in the "quiet alert" stage, as they call it, more often and for greater periods of time. She fusses less (I also attribute this to her reflux medication), and generally seems happier.
• smiles ALL THE TIME! She loves to smile. She smiles most often before, during, and after her diaper changes. She is a fan of her changing table that is inside the Pack n Play so this is where much of the smiling takes place. Last night Chris was holding her at my mom's house and she shared a few smiles with him, which made his day!
• eats every 2-3 (sometimes 4, if she's taking a long nap) hours during the day. It's hard to know how many ounces she's eating since I am breastfeeding but when she has a bottle she drinks 3-4 ounces.
• doesn't particularly care for the bottle. We need to remedy this before we go to Brainerd for the weekend and before I go back to work. We're going to give her a bottle every day or every other day so she becomes accustomed to it.
• doesn't hate her car seat as much. She used to have a difficult time during walks or car rides because she hated her car seat. She's getting a lot better though! We go for walks pretty much every day and she either sleeps or is awake and content (which sometimes requires the pacifier, but hey, she's making progress). I occasionally have to pull over while I am driving to climb in the backseat and comfort her because she's screaming her little head off but that is happening with less frequency.
• is very strong! You wouldn't think she is only 7 weeks old by the way she holds her neck!
• doesn't hate baths as much. She still cries here and there during baths but it's getting better for her.
• has a bad case of baby acne. This is normal. It spread to her chest so I called the nurse advisor line at the Pediatrician office and they said that is normal too. We need to keep it clean and dry. Once it heals, we can put Aquaphor lotion on it to moisturize the skin.
• is the love of our lives!!!!

First Mall of America visit!

Claire took her first trip to the Mall of America yesterday! She was a perfect little shopper. We fed her right before we left but I was prepared to feed her in a women's lounge if necessary (would be my first time in public). She was awake, alert, and content for much of the time. She also slept for awhile. Josh and I really enjoyed this family time. The MOA recently opened a Noodles and Company, which Josh loves, so we ate lunch there while Claire napped. The top picture is from her big day at the mall. Life couldn't get any better!

I also included a smiling picture for you viewing pleasure. She smiles so often! I love it.

My maternity leave is offically half over and I can't believe it. How does it go by so quickly?? Today is a gloomy, cold day so we're planning on staying in the house and cuddling. I love it when Claire takes a nap while laying on my chest and I can rest with her.

Christmas

I haven't posted in a couple weeks and so much can happen with a newborn in that amount of time!

Claire is doing so well. She almost seems like a different baby than she was a couple of weeks ago. I think the Zantac is helping her. She is not a huge fan, probably because it is peppermint flavored. Seriously- who makes baby medicine peppermint flavored??? You'd think they would be able to give it no flavor or even milk flavor. She seems a lot more comfortable than before. She doesn't scream for hours, her tummy isn't hard all of the time, and she doesn't arch her back when she eats as much.

She seems to change every day. I am glad I take so many pictures because she changes so quickly! She is definitely filling out her newborn clothes now. I put a 0-3 month sleeper on her last night and it's quite large. I know it is common for babies to have poop "blow-outs" where it goes up their back... Claire doesn't have those very often (only twice I think) but she has pee "blow-outs" all the time! Almost daily! I don't know how she manages to get so much pee up her back, but it causes me to do her laundry frequently! All of her newborn sleepers were in her laundry last night so that's why she had to wear the 0-3 month size. I think she'll be wearing a lot more 0-3 month clothes within the next two weeks.

She started smiling about a week and a half ago. It is the most beautiful sight!! Josh and I love to make her smile. She is developing her own little personality. She is a lot more content than she used to be. She is still not a big fan of her car seat but we go on walks almost daily because I want her to get used to it. She is focusing a lot on our faces and I feel like she is starting to get to know me.

Claire was a rockstar and slept through the night TWICE last week! On May 28th she slept 6 straight hours and on May 29th she slept 7 straight hours. Amazing! The following two nights were worse than normal so it didn't last of course but I thoroughly enjoyed it!

She is taking a bottle (of breastmilk) now so that gives me some more freedom. On Memorial Day Josh and I had our first date post-baby and Jeff and Annie babysat. We went to dinner (quickly) at Old Chicago. That same week Annie babysat for a couple hours so we could go to our neighborhood garage sales and my mom babysat for a few hours so we could go to Burnsville Center and Applebee's. Last weekend Josh had some one-on-one time with Claire while I had brunch with Amy, Sarah and Pam for Sarah's birthday. I love being able to get out once in awhile.

Claire makes me so happy. Every day with her feels like Christmas. She is the best gift I could ever receive. Every day I look forward to spending time with her, getting to know her more, and showering her with love and affection. I am loving every minute of my maternity leave. It breaks my heart to think about going back to work in 6 weeks. One thing that helps is knowing that she'll be in good, loving hands with Annie doing her childcare. It would be a lot harder to think about leaving her with strangers that don't love her like we love her. Oh, I almost shudder at the thought. I just want the best for her- in everything. I always want to keep her safe, protected, happy, healthy. I know that isn't reality but I am doing the best I can for now!

Okay- Claire will probably be waking up soon so I'm going to get some stuff done. Have a great day!

Help is on the way

I took Claire to see the pediatrician today. She has been throwing up at least once, if not multiple times, per day. Not just a little spit up... more like an entire feeding or even multiple feedings. Sometimes it just comes out and sometimes it's forceful. She also appears very uncomfortable. Her tummy becomes hard as a rock and she grunts and screams a lot. The pediatrician said that she would be concerned that she had a blockage (not sure what that is) if she was throwing up after every feeding or if the forcefullness worsened. For now she prescribed Zantac (spelling?). If she isn't feeling better by Monday we are supposed to go back. This was the first public outing just the two of us. She was very unhappy at the Ped's office. She fell asleep in the car after her appointment so I was able to go to Wells Fargo to have her form for her birth certificate notarized and to Target to fill her prescription. She slept through the whole thing! I was so relieved. I just envisioned her screaming at Target and not being able to console her quickly.

Oh, for the fun part... guess what her weight was today? 7 lbs 1 oz! Such a big girl! :) She gained 9 ounces in 9 days. I read that newborns should gain about an ounce per day so I guess she is textbook perfect! I can't believe she's gone from 4 lbs 13 oz to 7 lbs 1 oz in 3 weeks! That's a 48% increase! Babies are supposed to double their weight by the time they are 4 or 5 months old. I bet Claire does it much quicker than that!

Monday night she slept from 11:15PM until 4:40AM!!! I got FIVE hours of straight, uninterrupted sleep! It felt glorious. Last night however was not that great. I would be surprised if I got three hours in total. But those cuddle sessions in the middle of the night are pretty priceless. I just love her so much.

My Grandma

Today is the 2 year annivesary of the passing of my dear, sweet, precious grandma (Myrna, my mom's mom). She was the sweetest and funniest lady on the planet. We miss her so much. We were blessed to spend some precious days with her before her passing. A couple days before, my brother asked her what advice she had for me and him for when we are parents. I'll never forget her response. She said: "Make them obey you. Don't let them talk back. And love them, love them, love them". Here I am, a parent, two years later. How are we doing so far? Well Claire certainly did not obey me last night when I pleaded with her to stop crying and go to sleep. She hasn't talked back yet, thankfully. And Lord knows I love, love, love her!! So we're two for three.. doing pretty good.

I love you, Grandma.

Poop adventures

I think somehow when you become a parent, you automatically don't get as grossed out by many things...like poop. Josh and I both had fun poop adventures in the past 24 hours.



Last night we gave Claire her first non-sponge bath. That means she was without a diaper for about 10 minutes.... a scary concept. The "sink bath" was less stressful for her than the "sponge bath" but she was still not a fan- to say the least. The bath was so close to completion before Claire pooped all over Josh's hand, which was positioned nicely right underneath her butt. I don't know how much Josh appreciated me laughing at him...maybe it was karma that caused me to experience my own poop adventure this morning.



I have to say my adventure was much worse. Claire is sooooo cute when she wakes up in the morning. She streches her arms, legs and neck and pushes her tush in the air for a couple minutes. Her streching takes after me- I love, love to strech. She makes these cute little sounds while she streches and raises her eyebrows high while keeping her eyes closed. So these are all precious moments that I watch while she's on the changing table before her diaper change. This morning after having my heart melt at this little sight, I remove her diaper and marvel because it is hardly wet or dirty at all. Should have seen this coming... I put a new diaper underneath her before removing the dirty one, but before I could close the diaper, she literally sprays poop AND pee EVERYWHERE. I mean projectile. And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. The poop AND pee are on:
My hand
My arm
My robe
The beautiful dresser
Her stack of clean clothes on the dresser
The clothes she's wearing
The changing pad cover (which is fabric, not plastic)
Her blanket

After a moment or two of shock I dove into adventure clean-up mode. I think she was quite embarassed by the whole incident because she broke into a very loud scream that lasted until I had things partly cleaned up and her into a clean onesie.

Yup, so that was my morning. Good times.


(Side note- Josh and I aren't convinced that Claire has colic. This past week has been much better. She is fussy in the evenings but hasn't had the hours on end screaming that she had last week. Maybe it's a fluke and next week will be bad again but I feel like colic can't be turned on and off like it seemed to this week. I think the diagnosis of colic is tricky since there isn't a medical test that can be conducted. So for now we remain skeptics. We are really enjoying the temperament of 2 week old Claire much better than 1 week old Claire. Hoping it lasts!)

(One more side note- Claire is getting professional pictures taken at our house on Sunday! I'm so excited! They will be put online so I'll post the link once I have it).

Chunkster!!

Claire had her two week "well visit" this morning at the Pediatrician. Josh went with us, which made me very glad! The appt went very well. By the time babies are two weeks old, they want them to be back at their birth weight, which was 5 lbs 4 oz for Claire.

Well today Claire weighed.....

drum roll.............


6 lbs 8 oz!!!!!

Amazing! Josh and I so thrilled. The Pediatrician called her growth "phenomenal". She's going to be a chunky monkey in no time! It makes me feel good that all of the hard work we put into breastfeeding is paying off. (Breastfeeding is going well, but it is a lot of work and it's tough- no question about that).

The pediatrician (who, by the way, we really like!! The Ped. we had at her weight check was not cool but we really like this doctor so we're sticking with her) also was impressed with her alertness and how she was moving her hands. I guess most babies at this point have their hands still curled in a little ball but Claire's hands fingers were streched apart and opening and closing.

This is all good news...but then Dr Hansen busted out the dreaded C word.... colic! She said babies generally aren't diagnosed with colic until they are 3 weeks old but she said Claire has all of the signs and symptoms of colic. On one hand, that's hard to hear but on the other, it's reassuring that there's (most likely) nothing physically wrong with Claire and this is a phase she'll grow out of. Unfortunately, Dr. Hansen said it should worsen over the next few weeks but then start improving around 6-8 weeks and be virtually gone by 12 weeks- just in time for me to return to work!! While it has been rough and I dread the evenings, I am so glad that Josh is as good as he is with her. If I had this fussy (and more precious than anything in the world) baby and a clueless husband, like most first time fathers are, it would be much harder! We'll get through it. We're a really good team. And we love her to pieces.

Okay, I'm going to grab something to eat before she wakes up.

Thank you to everyone for your support! We soooo appreciate the support, encouragement, meals (!!!), and well wishes. Again, I'm sorry if you have been wanting to visit and we haven't had you over yet. It's so hard during the week because her evenings are usually miserable. Soon- I promise!

Claire Update

Life with Claire is wonderful! Our first week home was amazing. Josh, Claire and I had such a special time bonding as a little family of three. Josh is so good with her- I can't even put it into words. Everything is so natural to him- it's like he was born to be a father. He went back to work yesterday and Claire and I miss him very much! We're doing pretty well though. Yesterday I had visitors in the morning and afternoon so it was a busy day. Today it is just me and Claire all day and it's going great! It's special to spend time alone with her.

Claire is doing so well at night. For the past four or five nights, she has only gotten up twice and she would probably sleep longer but one or both of the time is due to us waking her up. She can't go more than 4 or so hours from the start of one feeding to the start of the next. It seems like a crime to wake a sleeping baby in the middle of the night but we want her to keep growing!

Speaking of growing- she sure is doing it! Usually babies lose weight the first five days. Pediatricians want them to be back at their birth weight by the time they are two weeks old. Claire made her first trip to the pediatrician last Thursday when she was five days old for a weight check. She was already back to her birth weight- 5 lbs 4 oz! She's going to be a little chunky monkey soon!

Claire wants to eat all.the.time. She would eat every waking hour if I let her. Sometimes I do let her. For instance, yesterday morning she ate at 8:46, 9:36, 10:30, 11:45 and 1:50. Her feedings usually last 15-35 minutes so there isn't much of a break sometimes. If that means I get 3 hour streches of sleep at night, I'll take it, but wow, that is tiring. Her unpredictable and frequent feeding schedule makes having visitors and returning phone calls pretty difficult. I'm sorry if you've left me a voicemail and I haven't called you back or if we haven't had you over to visit yet.

Other tidbits about Claire:

• She gets hiccups all the time! It makes me sad for her because it looks like they hurt! She frequently had hiccups in utero so maybe she's somewhat used to them!
• She also sneezes a lot. Today she set her record with 5 sneezes in a row.
• Yesterday she sucked her thumb for the first time! Both Josh and I got to see this "first".
• She loves, loves, loves to have her hands free and by her face. We usually have her swaddled because she is calmer and sleeps better and longer but boy, does she fight hard to get those hands free! She's often successful no matter how tight Josh and I try to swaddle her. She's strong! This afternoon she slept unswaddled and woke herself up a lot by flinging her hand into her face. Luckily she fell back asleep quickly. In the morning when I remove her swaddle, it is sooo cute and precious to see her little body strech. She really likes to stretch- Josh said she takes after me.

This post was written a few sentences at a time over the past 6 hours. :) Life with Claire is busy but we wouldn't have it any other way! She is our little bundle of love.